@cbl.tattoo.poke on Instagram.

I’m a tattoo artist!! (Beginner, but still) My account on Instagram is @cbl.tattoo.poke

What does being asexual mean to you?

Asexual means that I simply do not feel sexual attraction, I never looked at someone (anyone) and thought “I want to have sex with them”.

How do you identify within the spectrum?

Asexual, maybe graysexual.

What is your romantic orientation?

Panromantic.

Do you like being commonly called “ace”?

Yes.

Do you experience sexual attraction?

No.

What is intimacy to you?

Being close to someone mentally and sometimes physically, knowing someone’s likes and dislikes, hugging and cuddling.

What’s your outlook on love and sex?

I would like a romantic relationship, maybe not currently as I am busy with other things, but someday! I am not repulsed by sex or sexual activities, but I also don’t actively seek them.

Do you experience sexual arousal/ masturbate?

Sometimes, especially when I’m on my period, I’ll feel more desire towards masturbation or sexual experiences, but it’s not often and I don’t always act on it.

How do you feel about people being sexually attracted to you?

A part of me feels good, because everyone likes to be desired and wanted, but I mostly feel awkward, since the chances of anything sexual happening are low.

What are your thoughts on the “A” in LGBTQIA+ often standing for “ally” instead of “asexual”?

I feel like the letters represent parts of the community, and while allies are important, they are not part of it, while asexuals are.

Do you have an ace ring? What does an ace ring mean to you?

I do have one! It is a means for identifying someone who is a part of the asexual umbrella and maybe also help in an emergency where you don’t want to interact with someone who could be sexually attracted to you.

Respond to the phrase “Maybe you just haven’t had good sex yet”

Maybe I don’t want to.

Are you monogamous or non-monogamous?

I am open to anything!

How does your experience of asexuality relate to your gender?

I never really thought of sexuality being connected to gender, as I don’t feel sexual attraction, it never really mattered to me if I was a woman attracted to the same or opposite gender.

How did you first discover asexuality?

I saw a screenshot of s Tumblr post on Pinterest of a microlabel inside the asexual spectrum.

How did you come to realise that you were asexual?

When I saw the post explaining what asexuality was and gave examples of different situations, I found myself relating to most of what was written.

How often do you have doubts about being asexual?

Very rarely.

How long have you identified as asexual?

I found out about the asexual spectrum in December, 2021.

Have societal pressures ever made you question your own sexual desires or lack of it?

They never made me question myself, but they made me question if I would ever find a romantic relationship.

Why do you think it’s difficult for some people to grasp the concept of asexuality?

Society, in general, is very sexual and a lot is connected to feeling sexual attraction, like in movies, series, books, etc. So sometimes people just can’t imagine what it would be like to not feel sexual attraction.

How did you start to come to terms with your asexuality?

In January/February of 2022 I had a horrible break up. My ex placed his self worth on being desired by others, so when I told him I found out that I’m asexual, he immediately broke up with me. After that, I was feeling very down and sad, so I started researching more about asexuality, through representation on media and on fanfiction. At the time I read a lot of fanfics with asexual characters being the protagonists, and in one of them, I related to the story so much that I cried thrice while reading. After this story, I started to see that things could work out in a romantic relationship with one person being asexual and the other(s) being allosexuals.

What was the moment where you fully came to terms with your asexuality?

It would be when I started telling my friends and they accepted me and didn’t question my identity, while also wanting to know more about it, to understand it and me better.

Has your understanding of asexuality shifted since you first learned about it?

Not really, it’s more a feeling of awe at how different the human experience can be.

What are things about asexuality you wish people understood better?

I wish they wouldn’t try to downgrade our experiences regarding sexual attraction and sexual experiences. Asexuality is not a hormone imbalance, it’s not just trauma (though it can come from it), it is genuinely a sexual orientation, like any other.

Have you come out as asexual? If yes, how did you come out?

Yes, I showed my mother and friends (one by one) the post or just told them and explained what asexuality was.

How did you decide who to tell and who do you tell now when meeting new people?

I started by telling the people closest to me, my best friend, my mother, my sister, and after they received it so well, I started telling strangers to see how they would react, and most of them would be very respectful and nice. Now, when I meet new people, if I start getting to know them better and having more intimacy, I tell them if we’re talking about something that connects to it.

How did people react to your coming out?

Mostly very well, there were only one or two who questioned me and said those basic things, like “how can you be sure if you never had sex”, “maybe you just had bad experiences”, etc.

What’s something you wish you had known about asexuality before coming out ?

I don’t really have anything that I wish I had known. I like to be very informed about things that catch my interest, especially parts of my identity, so when I came out, I already had looked into various things about asexuality.

What’s the hardest part about coming out?

Not knowing how they’ll react.

What is dating and finding a romantic partner like?

For now, I’m not looking for anyone, but it’s hard since for a lot of people sex is a make or break it thing, when for me it’s very optional, so to find someone who understands this and still wants to make the effort of getting romantically involved can be hard.

What are your thoughts on dating apps?

Depends on what app. Some apps are used primarily for hook ups, while others are used more for serious romantic relationships, so you need to have that in mind if you’re going to create an account.

How has being asexual affected your relationships?

Nothing changed much, since I’m not currently in a romantic relationship, but at the time I found out about asexuality, my ex literally broke up with me because of it.

Have you been romantically involved with people who aren’t asexual?

Before I knew I was asexual, yes, after, no.

Do you prefer to be romantically involved with fellow asexuals?

I haven’t been romantically involved with anyone since discovering I’m asexual, so I’m not sure about this, but I imagine it would be a bit easier when it came to the topic of sexual relations.

How do you feel about society over-sexualizing almost everything?

Very tired. Sometimes I just want to cuddle, hug or kiss someone, this doesn’t mean I want to have sex!

What are your thoughts on having kids? Do you plan to have kids someday?

I plan on adopting kids someday, when I’m more financially stable, but I don’t plan on getting pregnant.

Do you consider yourself to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community?

Yes.

Do you identify as queer? If not, how do you identify?

Sometimes when someone doesn’t know much about the community, I prefer to call myself queer, so yes.

Are you religious? If so, how does your faith and queerness work together?

I’m not religious.

How do you think your experiences through life may or may not have influenced/shaped your asexuality?

There are a lot of things that I joke about regarding this. For example, I thought the movies and series were all exaggerating on the sexual attraction thing, and there are some songs that I didn’t know were about sex.

How do you feel about how asexuality is perceived in the LGBTQIA+ community?

Everything in our society is over sexualized, and that also bleeds into our community, so for some people, asexuals aren’t part of the community and all that.

Have you experienced discrimination in the LGBTQIA+ community?

Not yet, but I’ve heard about a lot of situations where it happened.

What bothers you in the LGBTQIA+ community?

How over sexualized it is.

Have you ever been to a pride parade? How did it go?

I have been to one, but didn’t stay long, but it was great!!

Do you agree that pride month is necessary?

Yes, bringing visibility to our community and discussing about the discrimination we experience is very important in helping people understand that we are humans, just as they are.

What are your thoughts on labels?

They help you find people who had/have the same experience you had/have, so you get a nice safety net; they are also important for explaining our experiences, but I wish we lived in a world where they weren’t needed, and we could just be ourselves without having to worry about discrimination.

How has having the asexual label benefited you?

It gave me a nice community of people, as I said before, and it has helped me explain my experience to others and broaden my worldview.

How do you feel about representation of asexuality in media?

It’s lacking. There are very few characters that identify as asexual canonly, so that’s definitely something to work on.

What’d you like to say to people who question asexuality as a sexual orientation?

When a man is homosexual, he doesn’t feel sexual attraction to women, but you don’t question that, do you?

What effects does being asexual have on your life?

It mostly affects romantic relationships and some other details when consuming media, but besides that, not much.

How do you deal with people who are curious about your sexuality?

If they are respectful about it, I answer all their questions. It’ll probably broaden their wordview and maybe they’ll help someone else when they have similar experiences!

How do you deal with aphobia?

I haven’t experienced it a lot in real life, but on social media, I just block people.

What was the most difficult moment in your life surrounding being asexual?

I guess when I first found out about it and my ex immediately broke up with me, it was a huge blow to my self esteem and it made me question a lot a the time whether I would find a romantic relationship.

What stereotypes about asexuality do you not relate to?

Being this innocent little baby that doesn’t know anything about sex.

What stereotypes about asexuality do you relate to?

Being very confused about media where everything happens becuase someone felt sexual attraction to someone they shouldn’t or something like that.

What are the most annoying things people have said to you about asexuality?

“Maybe you just had bad sex, and that’s why you feel that way”; “Maybe you’ll find someone someday and you’ll change your mind”; “How can you know if you never had sex?”

What are misconceptions about being asexual?

That were little innocent angels that are pure and don’t know anything about sex.

What are things to NOT say to an asexual person?

Anything that would diminish their experience and identity.

What questions do you wish people would stop asking you?

“How can you know if you never had sex?”; “Are you sure?”; “What if you love someone and they want to have sex with you?”

What would you like to say to anyone who is asexual or wondering if they’re on the asexual spectrum?

Do some research on it, ask people (respectfully) about their experiences, look through some microlabels and think a lot about what you feel. There is no rush in finding out who you are!

How involved would you say you are with the asexual community?

Not as much as I’d like to be, but I’ve been searching for people, organizations and such here in Brazil.

What are things you love about being asexual, or being part of the asexual community?

Everyone that I interacted with has been very nice and kind! I also love having some sense of control over my desires, as most of the things in media go wrong when a character does something they shouldn’t because of sexual attraction hahaha!

What are things that most asexual people can relate to?

I guess not felling sexual attraction and feeling like everyone in movies and series is exaggerating everything.

How often do you meet other asexual people?

Not often, in real life I haven’t yet!

How do you recognise other asexual people irl?

If I found one I guess either by the colors of our flag or by the black ace ring on the middle finger of the right hand!

How do you meet and connect with fellow asexuals?

I only do so online.

Do you think sexuality , romantic attraction and gender identity are things that people are born with, influenced by upbringing, or both?

I guess both, since while we are born with a certain sexuality/gender, we also are very influenced by society’s view on them. Especially with gender, since a lot of stereotypes that we connect with femininity and masculinity are actually switched, which becomes a little obvious when we look at how other animals behave.

What’s it like being queer in your country/society?

It’s always been bad, but before Bolsonaro was president it was a little better, now that homophobes and sexist people feel they have more voice because one of them became president it’s gotten worse.

How have you been subjected to queerphobia?

Usually by my father, who says stuff like “maybe you’ll meet the right person” and all, but never physically (yet at least).

What would you like to say to queerphobic people?

Have more empathy and understanding, we are humans just like everyone else.

What would you like people to know about asexuality?

It’s not about not being ready for sex or about finding the right person, it’s simply not feeling sexual attraction.

How can people be better allies to asexual people?

Respecting their identity.

What are your favorite asexual quotes?

I don’t really know many (I’m looking into it now).

What are some of your favorite pieces of media with authentic representation everyone should watch?

I guess the netflix show Sex Education did a good job explaining how asexuals feel and making it seem normal, even though it was brief. I don’t really know many books/series/movies with ace representation.

Who are your favorite asexual celebrities or characters?

I haven’t really lokked into celebrities being asexual and haven’t yet seen/read a series/movie/book that really had me interested on the character besides them being asexual.

What are your thoughts on queer-baiting?

Ugh, hate it. Why do something that’s basically queer and then pretend it didn’t happen?? Why trick people who are desperta for good representation??

Give a message to the queer community

Let’s tone down the sexualization of the community, please.