How do you identify within the spectrum?
Asexual
What is your romantic orientation?
Possibly demi-romantic
Do you like being commonly called “ace”?
Yes
Do you experience sexual attraction?
No
What is intimacy to you?
Being close to someone emotionally and sometimes physically (Cuddling and so on). Having someone you feel comfortable with and safe with.
What’s your outlook on love and sex?
My outlook on love is mostly cynical but sometimes romantic. Outlook on sex is that its fine if it’s between two consenting adults but isn’t something I ever want to experience.
Do you experience sexual arousal/ masturbate?
No
How do you feel about people being sexually attracted to you?
Uncomfortable.
What are your thoughts on the “A” in LGBTQIA+ often standing for “ally” instead of “asexual”?
I find it annoying as it in a way ignores the Asexuals and Aromantics in the community, who already struggle to be validated.
Do you have an ace ring? What does an ace ring mean to you?
Yes and it’s comforting in a way that there are others like me and its also a symbol of pride and being comfortable with being asexual.
Are you monogamous or non-monogamous?
Mostly monogamous but possibly open to being in a throuple etc
How does your experience of asexuality relate to your gender?
It doesn’t really
How did you first discover asexuality?
I think my friend mentioned it and I researched it a lot afterwards.
How did you come to realise that you were asexual?
I realised that I’d never found the act of sex or anything sexual appealing and that the thought of me doing anything in that context was repulsive.
How often do you have doubts about being asexual?
Not that often. Usually when hormones are all over the place.
How long have you identified as asexual?
Around three years
Have societal pressures ever made you question your own sexual desires or lack of it?
Not exactly. It makes me miserable that I won’t be accepted by a lot of society and possible future partners.
Why do you think it’s difficult for some people to grasp the concept of asexuality?
I think that it’s because it’s something they don’t experience and so don’t understand. However most usually understand eventually with the use of analogies.
How did you start to come to terms with your asexuality?
I researched it and found that it fit and was OK with that.
What was the moment where you fully came to terms with your asexuality?
When I thought about it properly and thought deeply over the possibility of sexual relationships in the future.
Has your understanding of asexuality shifted since you first learned about it?
Yes but in the aspect that I have a deeper knowledge of the spectrum.
What are things about asexuality you wish people understood better?
That asexuals are sure of what they are and that they aren’t going to change. And that there is a huge spectrum and not every asexual is the same.
Have you come out as asexual? If yes, how did you come out?
Yes. I just told people that I was.
How did you decide who to tell and who do you tell now when meeting new people?
My friends knew from when I was figuring it out but the only other person I came out to was when the topic of sexuality came up in a convorsation.
How did people react to your coming out?
They were all fine.
What’s the hardest part about coming out?
Knowing that most people will never understand or that they secretly think that you’ll change your mind.
What are your thoughts on dating apps?
They’re fine if they’re secure.
How has being asexual affected your relationships?
Friendships, not in any way.
Have you been romantically involved with people who aren’t asexual?
No
Do you prefer to be romantically involved with fellow asexuals?
Preferably but I wouldn’t mind dating an allosexual who respected my boundaries.
How do you feel about society over-sexualizing almost everything?
It’s annoying and slightly depressing when it’s shoved in your face constantly.
What are your thoughts on having kids? Do you plan to have kids someday?
Not a fan of most kids. No i plan to remain child free.
Do you consider yourself to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community?
Yes
Are you religious? If so, how does your faith and queerness work together?
No
How do you feel about how asexuality is perceived in the LGBTQIA+ community?
Most of the time it’s accepted, respected and supported but sometimes isn’t.
Have you experienced discrimination in the LGBTQIA+ community?
Not that I’m aware of.
What bothers you in the LGBTQIA+ community?
How many people feel superior or privalaged. Thankfully not many are like that.
Have you ever been to a pride parade? How did it go?
Not yet
Do you agree that pride month is necessary?
Yes
What are your thoughts on labels?
I understand why some people dislike labels but I feel that they are important because it helps people feels validated and give a name to what they are feeling.
How do you feel about representation of asexuality in media?
There needs to be a lot more.
What’d you like to say to people who question asexuality as a sexual orientation?
Usually ignore them.
What effects does being asexual have on your life?
Stress for future relationships and fear that my boundaries and feelings won’t be respected.
How do you deal with people who are curious about your sexuality?
If they are respectful then I’ll explain to the best of my ability.
How do you deal with aphobia?
Haven’t experienced it yet.
What was the most difficult moment in your life surrounding being asexual?
Realising how much social expectation and pressure there is to be sexual.
What are the most annoying things people have said to you about asexuality?
“They just haven’t met the right person yet”
And
“Why? That sounds so boring”
What would you like to say to anyone who is asexual or wondering if they’re on the asexual spectrum?
That it’s OK to feel what you feel and that you don’t have to figure it out in one go.
How involved would you say you are with the asexual community?
I read through posts and pride stuff. Watch tiktoks too.
What are things you love about being asexual, or being part of the asexual community?
How accepting and friendly most of it is.
How often do you meet other asexual people?
I’ve met one asexual spectrum person.
How do you recognise other asexual people irl?
If they have many pride items on them or if they just tell me.
Do you think sexuality , romantic attraction and gender identity are things that people are born with, influenced by upbringing, or both?
Not really sure, I think that they just are there.
What’s it like being queer in your country/society?
Fine with the occasional discrimination but it’s legal and so on.
How have you been subjected to queerphobia?
No.
What would you like to say to queerphobic people?
Queer people aren’t bothering you or affecting how you live so piss off and leave us alone to live our lives.
What would you like people to know about asexuality?
I’d like people to be more aware of it so that it’s accepted more.
How can people be better allies to asexual people?
Stop asking invasive questions and respect them when they tell you what they are or what their boundaries are.
What are your favorite asexual quotes?
“What’s my type?
Someone who is supportive, someone who is warm.
Someone I can just curl up and relax with.
Wait.I’m just describing my bed again”
Or
“Don’t wander away from yourself to get close to someone else”
Give a message to the queer community
You’re not a ship that can be steered, you are the sea that no none can control, you are a storm that flows freely.
In other words no one else’s opinion matters and just live how you want.