What does being gender fluid mean to you?
It means that my gender tends to change, it doesn’t usually stay the same.
What are your thoughts on the concept of gender?
I think gender is useful, it gives people words to describe who they are. I just wish society was more accepting of it though.
Do you think society as a whole would function differently if no one was assigned a gender at birth?
It most likely would. Gender is a social construct, meaning we make it whatever we want it to be. I feel as though it’s inevitable to have some sort of “gender construct” in a society. Especially since different people have different body parts. I do think that we wouldn’t be so tight bound to these labels though if we weren’t assigned anything and were given free will.
What is your gender identity right now?
Currently, I am feeling more of a demi girl. I feel feminine but not completely, part of me still wants to be a bit agender.
What genders are you fluid to/from?
I am fluid with many genders. I change from Female, Demi-girl, Demi-gender, Agender, Non-binary, Demi-boy, Male, Bi-gender, and Pan-gender. I tend to usually feel more of an “in-between” gender, but I have felt strictly binary in the past.
How often does your gender change?
I don’t think there is a set number for this. I have felt like one gender for months on end. On the other hand, I have had genders that have lasted no more than a few hours. It depends.
Are you any gender more often than others? Or prefer being a certain gender over others?
I prefer to be Male or Agender, those are sort of my “favorite”. Most of the time, I am somewhat connected to my feminine side, funnily enough, it’s my least favorite.
Does your gender expression change as your gender identity?
I’m not out to everyone yet, so I don’t really go out in public dressing anything other than feminine. I have dressed up more masculine/androgynous and had a little “photoshoot” in my bathroom. I look at the photos when I feel a bit dysphoric but I can’t change.
Do you consider yourself non-binary?
Even though it’s under the non-binary umbrella, no. At times I feel I am too binary (only male or only female) to be considered non-binary because nonbinary is more lack thereof.
Do you consider yourself transgender?
Sort of. While I am sometimes a gender that is not the one I am assigned at birth, sometimes I am. That’s when I feel like calling myself transgender is “a lie” or “I’m a fake”. Genderfluid is under the non-binary umbrella which is under the trans one, so technically I am?
Do you plan on transitioning in any way? Name change, pronouns, surgery etc…
I wanna cut my hair shorter, I don’t know if that considered “transitioning”, but I want to do it. I might want to get surgery to have a more masculine body when I’m older.
What are your preferred pronouns and how did you decide?
I mainly use they/them unless I specify otherwise. I’m not really sure how I chose this, it just kinda came along with the gender, it felt more euphoric to consider myself she/her when I feel feminine, he/him when I’m masculine, etc.
Do you switch pronouns or names, or use the same set of pronouns/name regardless of what gender you are at that time?
I do switch pronouns depending on how I feel. In the past, I had certain people change names depending on how I felt but it did get a bit complicated at times so I mostly stopped that. I miss it sometimes, it made me feel more euphoric.
How strict are you with making sure people use your preferred pronouns and how vital are they to easing dysphoria?
Not very. I have anxiety so I don’t really have the courage to tell them otherwise unless they’re my friend, but even then I might not. And honestly, it might make me a little sad, but it’s not the worst thing. Because I change my gender so much, sometimes it doesn’t even effect me.
How soon after meeting someone do you explain your gender identity and ask them to use your preferred pronouns?
Not unless I have to. I’m not a fan of coming out to people. Personally, I don’t really find it too necessary. There are some moments when I do come out though. It’s mostly only if that person comes out to me first, then I might be like “hey you know I’m *blank* too!”. So maybe it’s more comfortable for them.
How would you describe your sexual orientation?
It’s a bit complicated and I don’t even fully get it but I’ll try to explain. I’m a genderfluid lesbian, so I like girls. The other thing though is that I am AroAce (aromatic, asexual). This is where some people get confused because they’re like “wait, how can you like girls but not feel romantic or sexual attraction”. I want a QPR (queerplatonic relationship), meaning it’s outside of the romantic and platonic relationship norms, in between. I would be in a relationship with a girl, but I would see it as more of them being my really really best friend rather than a partner. I’m fine with slight kissing, cuddling, hugging, etc.., but don’t want things like massaging, date nights, etc…
Does being gender-fluid influence your sexuality? Does attraction depend on your gender at the time?
No, I like girls, no matter what.
Are you monogamous or non-monogamous?
Monogamous
Do you feel dysphoria? What is dysphoria like for you?
I do. It’s annoying, it can be different because I switch genders. Sometimes I’ll hate my body parts, sometimes I’ll love them. One minute I’m fine with my chest and the next I want to rip it off my body.
How often do you have doubts about being gender-fluid?
All the time. If I ever feel like one gender for “too long”, I question it. If I switch “too often”, I question it. If I feel like my gender is assigned at birth, I question it.
How did you come to realise that you were gender-fluid?
At one point in my life, I kinda realized that I would never come to one conclusion about a single gender to represent myself. After doing some research and doing those “aM i GeNdErFlUiD” quizzes on google (iykyk), I saw that this most accurately described how I was.
Have societal pressures ever made you question/suppress your gender-fluid identity?
Yup, I still suppress/question it most of the time.
Why do you think it’s difficult for some people to grasp the concept of gender-fluidity?
I think they don’t see how someone can just simply change what they feel like. I’m gonna try to give an analogy. It’s like cliques. Someone who has stayed in the same clique their whole life might have a hard time understanding why or how someone can “clique hop”. They’ve always been happy with the group they were in. They might be able to understand the basics of why someone would change cliques, but they can’t understand it in a deeper meaning. It’s even more confusing that sometimes, they come back to that same clique again, like didn’t they just say they didn’t want to be with that group? That’s my best analogy.
How did you start to come to terms with your gender-fluid identity?
I sort of just accepted that I would never feel one fixed gender my whole life.
What was the moment where you fully came to terms with your gender-fluid identity?
I don’t think there was really a “the moment”. I’ve been on and off with that identity in the past, sometimes I feel like I just don’t belong.
Have you come out as gender-fluid? If yes, how did you come out?
I did once a few years ago. It was to a group that I am not with anymore but their reactions were pretty different. I kind of just told them, some said that’s fine, some said that they accepted me no matter what, and some said “alrigh”. I had one person tell me “I accept you but I’m not calling you that (referring to my name)” which was confusing. Overall though, I didn’t like the experience so I don’t really prioritize coming out unless I feel it is needed. Even then I usually don’t share much.
What’s something you wish you had known about gender-fluidity before coming out ?
People most likely won’t get it. I’ve done it before, but sometimes you forget that there are people in the world who have no clue about this type of stuff. So when I’ve told people, and they’re like “huh?”, it can become a bit hard.
What is it like filling legal forms about gender?
Annoying, I usually just write female because I don’t want it to get complicated, or have someone I don’t want to know accidentally find out.
What is it like using public restrooms?
I usually just use female ones because I’m normally dressed femininely.
What are your thoughts on having kids? Do you plan to have kids someday?
No. I don’t want a squirming weasel who needs my help with everything and needs my attention 24/7 for 18+ years. I’m sorry if this offends anyone who wants kids.
If you were to have kids someday, what would you like them to refer you as?
Let’s just say these are my nieces or just any kid that knows me. I’d probably have them refer to me with gender-neutral terms, so it’s not too complicated for them.
What are your thoughts on skoliosexuality (attraction to any gender or nongender that isn’t cisgender)?
If you do it because you don’t like cis people, I just feel like that defeats the purpose. It makes the lgbtq+ community look worse than it’s already perceived and gives hetero cis people the chance to discriminate us even more.
Do you consider yourself to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community?
Yes. I do consider myself a valid part of the LGBTQIA+ community.
Do you identify as queer? If not, how do you identify?
From my understanding, queer is just an umbrella term for the whole LGBTQIA+ community. So if you’re here filling this form, you’re probably queer.
Are you religious? If so, how does your faith and queerness work together?
Yea, I don’t think it affects my religion. I have had people tell me it’s a sin before though, and that I was sinning because of it.
Do you agree that pride month is necessary?
Yes
What are your thoughts about “ally” being added to the LGBTQIA+ acronym?
No. Just no. Especially since some don’t even consider aromantic and asexuals a part of the community but they consider allies? Allies haven’t been through nearly as much hate and prejudice as others in the lgbtq+ have been. I don’t think they deserve it.
What are your thoughts on labels?
I like them, they help me represent who I am easily.
How do you feel about representation of gender-fluidity in media?
It feels like it’s too sexualized sometimes, but not always.
What would you like to say to people who question gender-fluidity as a gender identity?
Listen to your heart and eventually, you’ll find what’s right for you, you are valid 🙂
Do you think that some of the misconceptions comes from the idea that gender and sex are the same thing?
Maybe
How do you deal with people who are curious about your gender-fluid identity?
I’ll usually just explain it until they don’t have any more questions. If it’s out of genuine curiosity, I’m happy to educate. On the other hand though, if it’s to be mean, I’ll usually just ignore it.
How do you deal with unfair/mean comments?
I don’t respond
What are misconceptions about being gender-fluid?
That we’re confused and we just need to pick a side.
What are things to NOT say to a gender-fluid person?
Boy do I have a list for you
List:
“Just pick a side” (no)
“But you don’t look genderfluid” (there is no specific “genderfluid look”)
“It’s just a phase/trend, get over it” (No it’s not, it’s just that people are finally catching on that there are more than two genders)
“That’s too confusing for me, I’m just gonna call you ….” (like saying I’ll call you George because I can’t pronounce Jorge. Disrespectful)
“No one is going to want to date you” (There’s plenty of fish in the sea, I’ll just find another colorful one like me (did not mean to rhyme))
“You are what’s in your pants” (You are what’s in your brain, neurologically)
“Omg, I used the wrong pronouns, I’m so sorry, I’m so terrible, I’m really sorry” (It was a small slip up, don’t make a big deal, just say “I’m sorry” and move on)
That’s the most I could think of off the top of my head. But there’s probably way more
What questions do you wish people would stop asking you?
I know it’s good intentions, and most of the time I’m happy that the person cares. But sometimes someone constantly asking “so what are you feeling like today” can get annoying. That’s why I started telling people to just use they/them unless I clarify otherwise.
What are things that most gender-fluid people can relate to?
Questioning your gender if you feel one gender for “too long”.
How often do you meet other gender-fluid people?
I met like one and that’s it, I don’t even know if they are genderfluid, they said it once and that’s all.
How do you meet and connect with fellow gender-fluid people?
reddit.
Do you think sexuality , romantic attraction and gender identity are things that people are born with, influenced by upbringing, or both?
both.
What’s it like being queer in your country/society?
As long as you find the right group of people, it’s fine.
How have you been subjected to queerphobia?
mhmmm, one too many times.
What would you like to say to queerphobic people?
I don’t really get you, you guys have to be more logical in your arguments. You come to a sword fight with a baguette and cry when you get hit.
How can people be better allies to gender fluid people?
Listen to them when they explain themselves, you might think you know about gender fluidity, but every person is different. It can be annoying to constantly repeat ourselves. Also don’t try too hard, act normal.
What are your favorite gender-fluid quotes?
“If the cis find out we can shapeshift they’re going to tell the church”
What are your thoughts on queer-baiting?
ugh, it’s so annoying. I just wanted to watch a movie about two girls cutely falling in love and you’re telling me they were “friends” the whole time?
Give a message to the queer community
love u guys keep up the great work 🙂
Tell your story, opinions, experiences.
Once when I was 12, my friend’s mom called me 8 times just to tell me it wasn’t right that I was gay. She was listening to my friend and my phone call through her door. Barged in when I said it. Hung up my friend’s phone, then called me several times afterward. I tried to gaslight her into thinking that I wasn’t and that she was just hearing things (which worked horribly). I ended up just ending the conversation and crying my eyes out afterward. I was literally only 12, in 7th grade.