What does being gender fluid mean to you?

Honestly I just find it to be the best all encompassing label. I hardly believe anyone can feel like just one thing for the rest of their lives.

What are your thoughts on the concept of gender?

It’s made up. A ridiculous set of stereotypes based on external genitalia that determines what is “allowed.” In a way I don’t believe in gender and renounce it as absurd. Of course saying I have a gender identity is contradictory to that, but it’s the simplest way for me to put it without restricting myself.

Do you think society as a whole would function differently if no one was assigned a gender at birth?

I fully believe that transgender issues would never exist if we weren’t automatically judged by our sex. Where a penis didn’t immediately mean blue, strong, emotionally unintelligent, or constantly horny; and where a vulva didn’t mean pink, subservient, emotional, and matured. If people could view genotypic sex in a purely scientific manner, recognizing it as just being different forms of people and only needing to acknowledge it for medical reasons, gender politics wouldn’t exist.

What is your gender identity right now?

Me. Though I would say a little more “masc” in traditional terms.

What genders are you fluid to/from?

I tend to lean more femme than masc, and never try to clock myself as fully male.

How often does your gender change?

Dunno. It’s a gradient I would say, affected by anything from my emotions to what outfits would best fit the weather of the day.

Are you any gender more often than others? Or prefer being a certain gender over others?

I don’t label my genders. I prefer androgyny over all else as it’s the closest I can get to freeing myself from gender related stereotypes, but I often present more femme sadly. Having a female body and liking to wear colors works against me.

Does your gender expression change as your gender identity?

I find this question redundant.

Do you consider yourself non-binary?

Yes.

Do you consider yourself transgender?

Yes…ish? Part of me feels like as an enby person calling myself transgender outright invalidates trans people and also enforces that binary idea onto me.

Do you plan on transitioning in any way? Name change, pronouns, surgery etc…

I was gifted with several government names to choose from. I have no physical dysphoria, but boobs can be uncomfy and they obviously signal FEMALE in giant neon letters to everyone. I don’t wanna bind because I hate restrictive clothing, I don’t even wear a bra anyway. However breast cancer runs in my family and if worse comes to worst, I won’t hesitate to get top surgery.

What are your preferred pronouns and how did you decide?

ze/zir/zirs/zemself [“zé zeer”]. Old neopronouns from back when linguists tried to invent a gender neutral singular pronoun. I like the sound of it compared to other neos from that time, which still bear heavy resemblance to he/she. I made my own tweaks to it of course, to make it the perfect neutral balance.

Do you switch pronouns or names, or use the same set of pronouns/name regardless of what gender you are at that time?

She/her most often…unwillingly. They/them in general since neos arent too popular yet.

How strict are you with making sure people use your preferred pronouns and how vital are they to easing dysphoria?

If I want to live a peaceful and safe life where Im at I stay quiet. I don’t have the energy to enlighten people on gender neutrality 24/7.

How soon after meeting someone do you explain your gender identity and ask them to use your preferred pronouns?

Hardly ever, unless they’re another queer like me.

What are your thoughts on dead naming?

Gross. Like talking to a ghost.

What is your preferred honorific?

We need some new words to fill in this blank here. Between ma’am, sir, etc. mx. is definitely the ugliest one in my opinion lmao

How would you describe your sexual orientation?

I like penises and would like to reproduce. So heterosexual, in the purely biological sense. Which means males of any kind, cis men, transwomen, etc.

Does being gender-fluid influence your sexuality? Does attraction depend on your gender at the time?

My gender identity is representative of my perception of gender and sexuality as a whole. If I’m not attracted to someone, I’ll just say no to that person, regardless of presentation or body. I don’t need to advertise it, though I understand others who do.

Are you monogamous or non-monogamous?

Monogamous.

Do you feel dysphoria? What is dysphoria like for you?

Dysphoria is just feeling like no matter what I do, I’ll always be a girl. And that will mean I have to keep myself “pure,” do the cooking, cleaning, that I can’t just be myself “because Im a girl,” whatever that means. And when Im clocked as a girl, even with my pronoun pin, it reminds me of how Im “supposed” to be, and how much I hate it. I love the way I look, I like to wear colors, I love my hair long, all of which = female apparently. I don’t wanna resort to drastically changing my expression just to have someone see me beyond just female. Unfortunately, being masc with long hair is just not something someone of a feminine physique can pull off.

How often do you have doubts about being gender-fluid?

Given that I think gender is made up, Im pretty solid.

How did you first discover gender-fluidity?

I’ve known about it since before I “transitioned.” Not sure from where.

How did you come to realise that you were gender-fluid?

When I tried to find words to match what I wanted to be. I hated being a girl, but at the same time, he/him pronouns didn’t fit me, and I couldn’t think of myself as a man. Some days I felt like a “girl” in the sense of neon eyeliner and dark lipstick, the kind ready to beat your ass in a dark alleyway, who likes the nightlife and r&b music. Other days I felt like a “boy” in the sense of careless wanderlust, warm breezes in your face, a sunny mountainside, and soft acoustics. That’s my interpretation of it.

How did it change how you lived your life, if it did at all?

It just gave me words to describe concepts I couldn’t before.

How long have you identified as gender-fluid?

Around a year now.

Have societal pressures ever made you question/suppress your gender-fluid identity?

Apart from just trying to get through my day in a gender binary society, no. I know myself, and that’s what matters.

Why do you think it’s difficult for some people to grasp the concept of gender-fluidity?

They aren’t raised to be complex thinkers. To them, the world can only be one thing or another. Anything else hurts their brains too much.

How did you start to come to terms with your gender-fluid identity?

I don’t take the label too seriously in all honesty.

Has your understanding of gender-fluidity shifted since you first learned about it?

I used to be very much against pronoun shifting. I was against a lot of things I use for myself now back then, like neos and neogenders and of course fluidity. When I was met with resistance from friends who supported neos, I decided to try and understand, and jumped headfirst into the idea and gave myself different pronouns. Since then I realized: what does it matter, and who makes the rules, and why? It doesn’t hurt anyone.

What are things about gender-fluidity you wish people understood better?

We aren’t the PronounPolice. It’s not like we have an alarm that signals IT’S HE/HIM TIME NOW and requires everyone to use he/him. Pronouns are just one part of our expression and for the most part, we generally could care less about them.

Have you come out as gender-fluid? If yes, how did you come out?

Eh, I added the flag to my pronoun.page. It has pretty colors.

How did you decide who to tell and who do you tell now when meeting new people?

I only tell and truly enforce my expression with other queer people. They’re the only ones I expect to truly understand, everyone else requires too much energy to “educate.”

How did people react to your coming out?

I had a very queer friend group, so “coming out” wasn’t so much more than as “hey guys Im xyz today.”

What’s the hardest part about coming out?

The three E’s: Explanation, Education, and Eediots. As much as Id love for gender neutrality to be normalized, I dont owe every stranger an explanation to something they refuse to understand. It’s exhausting to be told that I cant do this or that. If it’s a person whose opinion I care about, I will try to enlighten them as best as I can so they can accept me for the real me.

What is dating and finding a romantic partner like?

I didn’t have to find one, my childhood friend is my current and only partner.

What are your thoughts on dating apps?

Yikes, but good doomscroll material.

How has identifying as gender-fluid affected your relationships?

My father is not particular to the idea of nonbinary gender to begin with, and frankly Im tired of having every correction I make [simply just “not a girl”] be met with sarcastic compliance.

What is it like filling legal forms about gender?

Most places still use sex/gender interchangeably. I describe myself using my sex, female.

What is it like using public restrooms?

I have no need for a urinal, and I doubt men’s bathrooms have period product bins. Plus, Im statistically less likely to be harassed in a women’s restroom. However for small bathrooms that are obviously just a toilet and a sink, I will go into the men’s room since without a urinal there’s no real difference between them.

Does sexism affect your life in any way?

I’m female. So there’s misogyny. Of course for a while I had a fear of males because of the perception of men being testosterone driven breeding beasts and of course, all the cautionary tales about rape. It led me to fear my own partner, and negatively affected his own view of himself as well.

What are your thoughts on having kids? Do you plan to have kids someday?

I definitely want a kid, and I plan to raise them without gender. At least until they’re old enough to tell me themself. However, the prying eyes of other adults are what Im worried about, because youd know cisgender folks would be obsessively interested in the genitals of a child to determine who they are. And that is insanely inappropriate. Im still unsure how I would protect my child from that.

If you were to have kids someday, what would you like them to refer you as?

“Mayu.” From the tagalog mayumi, meaning tenderness. It’s easy for an infant to learn, which is the most important part.

Have you ever doubted the existence of gender?

*laughs*

Have you ever being forced to pick a gender?

I don’t pick, others pick for me and I have no say.

What are your thoughts on skoliosexuality (attraction to any gender or nongender that isn’t cisgender)?

Doesn’t hurt me, so long as it’s not fetish.

Do you consider yourself to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community?

*laughs*

Do you identify as queer? If not, how do you identify?

Yep, it’s the best most all encompassing and simple label for myself.

Are you religious? If so, how does your faith and queerness work together?

Nope, I was raised Roman Catholic but now I consider myself atheist but spiritual. Kinda animistic. But other than that I dont need a god to tell me what to wear.

How do you think your experiences through life may or may not have influenced/shaped your gender-fluid identity?

I grew up filipino, and historically it’s always had a pretty gender neutral culture. Of course there was the Spanish colonization that brought the binary and patriarchy, but tagalog is a gender neutral language save for the spanish loanwords. Bakla [“gay” but moreso “transfemme”] celebrities are common, and as a child I saw an old musical movie called Zsa Zsa Zaturna, which was about a transfemme bakla who gets the ability to transform into a female superhero. It touched upon topics such as homophobia/transphobia, so from a young age I knew that queerness wasn’t bad, and that people who hated it were mean.

How do you feel about how gender-fluidity is perceived in the LGBTQIA+ community?

Best understood by the trans community to be honest. Cisgender queers still don’t get it most of the time.

Have you experienced discrimination in the LGBTQIA+ community?

Personally, no. But transphobia affects all of us outside the gender norm.

What bothers you in the LGBTQIA+ community?

Identity politics and the excessive dictionaries. I personally find it excessive but not problematic of course, but people really shouldn’t fight over highly specific definitions and create a new set of boxes to fit us all into again.

Have you ever been to a pride parade? How did it go?

Haven’t gotten the chance.

Do you agree that pride month is necessary?

I personally don’t care, so long as the history is being taught and shared.

What are your thoughts about “ally” being added to the LGBTQIA+ acronym?

It’s like giving a cookie to someone for being a decent person.

What are your thoughts on labels?

Personally, I find them excessive. But if it gives people the words to express themselves, Im not against it.

How has having the gender-fluid label benefited you?

I dont have to scrutinize the gender wiki for my specific identity to fit into. Amigara Fault type stuff. Being genderfluid gets the message across that Im not quite “normal” per se.

How do you feel about representation of gender-fluidity in media?

My first exposure to it was with Rick Riordan’s character in the Magnus Chase series, Alex. Back then I found the character’s genderfluidity as obnoxious, but today I recognize it as an important introduction to the concept for younger me, that such a person was a possibility.

What would you like to say to people who question gender-fluidity as a gender identity?

Touch grass or smth idk

Do you think that some of the misconceptions comes from the idea that gender and sex are the same thing?

Yes yes 100% yes.

How do you deal with people who are curious about your gender-fluid identity?

Haven’t met many to be fair, but the same goes for them with the Three E’s.

How do you deal with unfair/mean comments?

If it’s identity politics I really don’t wanna hurt my brain with it. Just don’t police who Im supposed to be.

What was the most difficult moment in your life surrounding being gender-fluid?

Too young to say really. Ive only been living like this for a year.

What gender-fluid stereotypes do you not relate to?

In my opinion the word genderfluid itself denounces the existence of a stereotype, but again, not the Pronoun Police.

What gender-fluid stereotypes do you relate to?

None. Just the general nonbinary experience is all.

What are things to NOT say to a gender-fluid person?

“You can’t—” ? shhhhhshshhsh

What questions do you wish people would stop asking you?

I would just like people to stop asking me period unless they already are queer themselves.

What would you like to say to anyone who is gender-fluid or wondering if they are?

Do what I did, and dive in headfirst to try it. If the fit’s not for you, that’s okay.

How involved would you say you are with the gender-fluid community?

Eh, I exist.

What are things you love about being gender-fluid, or being part of the gender-fluid community?

I just like not restricting myself to one thing or another.

What are things that most gender-fluid people can relate to?

The freedom from the binary.

How often do you meet other gender-fluid people?

I have yet to meet another genderfluid person in real life.

How do you recognise other gender-fluid people irl?

Usually there’s a flag pin, but of course genderfluidity itself is ever-changing so it’s not something you’d notice when meeting someone once.

How do you meet and connect with fellow gender-fluid people?

Mostly the internet is where I hear our voices.

Do you think sexuality , romantic attraction and gender identity are things that people are born with, influenced by upbringing, or both?

Too complicated a mesh of things that ended up unfortunately separated by excessive labelling and identity politics. But that’s a discussion for another day.

What’s it like being queer in your country/society?

I live in central Pennsylvania. Send help.

How have you been subjected to queerphobia?

The annoying kind, yes. Not the life-threatening kind fortunately.

What would you like to say to queerphobic people?

Am I allowed to write this here—

What would you like people to know about gender-fluidity?

It’s valid, and not just for the typical binary genders.

How can people be better allies to gender fluid people?

Don’t come at us with constant interviews, the more you scrutinize, the more trapped it feels.

What are your thoughts on queer-baiting?

Real people cannot queerbait you. I say it’s a strange fixation usually with the sexuality part. Diversity marketing of course is a thing though.

Give a message to the queer community

muah ?✨️