IG: @x.lanaa_x; SC: xlanaa.x
I have an online store!! It’s called Luxe Co. and I sell 14k gold jewelry. I haven’t had a customer yet so I’d love if I could get a bit of support! https://luxecojewelry.com/
What does being asexual mean to you?
Not experiencing sexual attraction to either sex
How do you identify within the spectrum?
Ace
What is your romantic orientation?
Heteroromantic
Do you like being commonly called “ace”?
Yes
Do you experience sexual attraction?
No
What is intimacy to you?
Physical, monogamous closeness
What’s your outlook on love and sex?
Open to love, less open to sex.
Do you experience sexual arousal/ masturbate?
Yes
How do you feel about people being sexually attracted to you?
It feels weird but empowering. I welcome it, as long as it doesn’t impact me physically or mentally.
What are your thoughts on the “A” in LGBTQIA+ often standing for “ally” instead of “asexual”?
Never heard of that and I disagree.
Do you have an ace ring? What does an ace ring mean to you?
No, but I’d want one. An ace ring symbolizes quiet representation, and as a signal to other aces of your sexual orientation, which could make it easier to find a partner who respects your views and your body.
What are your favorite asexual symbols?
Ace flag colors, ace of spades ♠
Respond to the phrase “Maybe you just haven’t had good sex yet”
“No, I have.”
Are you monogamous or non-monogamous?
100% Monogamous
How does your experience of asexuality relate to your gender?
No effect. I’m a cis female.
How did you first discover asexuality?
Middle school; I finally found a term for what I was experiencing and stuck with it well into my 20s (I’m almost 23).
How did you come to realise that you were asexual?
See above
How often do you have doubts about being asexual?
I never truly doubted being asexual; I knew my sexual experiences were seperate from my level of sexual attraction.
How long have you identified as asexual?
As long as I can remember.
Have societal pressures ever made you question your own sexual desires or lack of it?
Yes
Why do you think it’s difficult for some people to grasp the concept of asexuality?
Sex is an important part of why we exist. It is in our human nature to want to reproduce and to feel the sexual attraction that usually precedes the act of reproduction. It is seen as “strange” or “not normal” to not experience that attraction.
How did you start to come to terms with your asexuality?
I kinda just accepted it.
What was the moment where you fully came to terms with your asexuality?
See above
Has your understanding of asexuality shifted since you first learned about it?
Yes. I realize that it is seperate from your sexual experiences and how you experience arousal.
Are you a person of colour (POC)? If yes, how do you think it affects your experience?
Yes. It has made it harder because the people I am romantically attracted to fall under a stereotype of being extremely sexual in nature, and most people I meet live up to it.
What are things about asexuality you wish people understood better?
1. It’s not THEM, it’s me. Seriously.
2. It doesn’t mean I can’t have sex.
3. It doesn’t mean I won’t enjoy sex.
4. Just because I can enjoy sex doesn’t mean I want it.
5. Just because I can enjoy sex doesn’t mean YOU in particular “cured” my asexuality.
Have you come out as asexual? If yes, how did you come out?
Not to my parents. I usually just tell people if the topic comes up.
How did you decide who to tell and who do you tell now when meeting new people?
If the conversation permits it, I’ll just say it.
How did people react to your coming out?
Questions and confusion.
What’s something you wish you had known about asexuality before coming out ?
How many people wouldn’t believe me.
What’s the hardest part about coming out?
Questions and confusion.
What is dating and finding a romantic partner like?
Almost impossible… No one believes me.
What are your thoughts on dating apps?
Not geared towards asexuals. Either gay, straight or bi.
How has being asexual affected your relationships?
See 2 above.
Have you been romantically involved with people who aren’t asexual?
Yes
Do you prefer to be romantically involved with fellow asexuals?
I don’t know.
How do you feel about society over-sexualizing almost everything?
I’m used to it, but it warps people’s view on the possibility of asexuality.
What are your thoughts on having kids? Do you plan to have kids someday?
Not sure…
Do you consider yourself to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community?
Yes
Do you identify as queer? If not, how do you identify?
Technically, yes.
Are you religious? If so, how does your faith and queerness work together?
No
How do you think your experiences through life may or may not have influenced/shaped your asexuality?
I don’t think they had an impact.
How do you feel about how asexuality is perceived in the LGBTQIA+ community?
It’s seen as an “all or nothing” type of thing. Like either were lying, or we experience no type of sexual anything.
Have you experienced discrimination in the LGBTQIA+ community?
Not sure.
What bothers you in the LGBTQIA+ community?
The entitlement and gatekeeping of sexual orientations.
Have you ever been to a pride parade? How did it go?
No
Are you happy with the current asexual flag? If not, what would you suggest for a redesign, if you have any ideas?
I’m happy with the colors. Maybe the purple could be a crimson red? ??♀️
Do you agree that pride month is necessary?
Yes
What are your thoughts on labels?
They help to understand what we’re going through, and makes it easier to find like people to share experiences and bond.
How has having the asexual label benefited you?
It helped me feel less alone about my sexual experiences and to learn the differentiation between arousal and attraction.
How do you feel about representation of asexuality in media?
Very underrepresented.
What’d you like to say to people who question asexuality as a sexual orientation?
It’s real. Just because it’s not your experience, doesn’t meant it doesn’t exist.
What effects does being asexual have on your life?
It has made it harder to find someone who really respects my life and my body.
How do you deal with people who are curious about your sexuality?
Answer their questions and try to explain in a way that they would understand.
How do you deal with aphobia?
Ignore. Maybe try to explain.
What was the most difficult moment in your life surrounding being asexual?
Dealing with my parents’ expectations. Not being able to trust them with that part of my identity.
What stereotypes about asexuality do you not relate to?
Being a prude, being innocent, not knowing anything relating to sex, bot being able to participate in/make sexual jokes, being disgusted by anything relating to sex.
What stereotypes about asexuality do you relate to?
Being more adverse to sex,… Not being sexually attracted to those I want a relationship with.
What are the most annoying things people have said to you about asexuality?
“but you did ___”, “but you liked ___”, “what about kids?”
What are misconceptions about being asexual?
Not masturbating or being able to feel sexual pleasure.
What are things to NOT say to an asexual person?
Suggesting SA as a reason they’re asexual, denying their asexuality, especially if they’ve experimented.
What questions do you wish people would stop asking you?
See above
What would you like to say to anyone who is asexual or wondering if they’re on the asexual spectrum?
Explore it. See if it matches your experience and identity.
How involved would you say you are with the asexual community?
Not too involved. I advocate when I feel necessary.
What are things you love about being asexual, or being part of the asexual community?
Knowing my identity is accepted and validated somewhere.
What are things that most asexual people can relate to?
See above “stereotypes I don’t relate to”
How often do you meet other asexual people?
Not often
How do you recognise other asexual people irl?
I don’t. They’d have to tell me.
How do you meet and connect with fellow asexuals?
I don’t.
Do you think sexuality , romantic attraction and gender identity are things that people are born with, influenced by upbringing, or both?
Born with
What’s it like being queer in your country/society?
Not much representation but I manage.
How have you been subjected to queerphobia?
Not really
What would you like to say to queerphobic people?
Nothing. They’ll die off eventually. Natural selection.
What would you like people to know about asexuality?
See above “stereotypes; what would I like to say to those questioning about asexuality”
How can people be better allies to asexual people?
Just leave us alone?
What are some of your favorite pieces of media with authentic representation everyone should watch?
Big mouth, Bojack Horseman, idk
What are your thoughts on queer-baiting?
Gross
Give a message to the queer community
We exist!!