What does being agender mean to you?

No gender means more freedom. I get joy from presenting androgynous, but also from looking however the hell i want without the constant thinking “but that’s what only girls/boys wear”

Also confusing people. I love confusing people about my non-existent gender.

What are your thoughts on the concept of gender?

Works for some, doesn’t work for others. It’s important for some, for me it’s just eh. I just exist with no gender attached

Do you think society as a whole would function differently if no one was assigned a gender at birth?

Definitely. I read a webtoon that portrays it pretty well, it’s called Lesbiampires (it’s about lesbian vampires duh). The vamp children aren’t assigned a gender, they’re always referred to with they/them pronouns, and it’s up to them to decide what gender to present as while they grow up.

If our real life society was like that, it would eliminate a lot of transphobia in my opinion

Do you feel agender? If so, what does that feel like?

I just feel like me. I’m myself, i exist, and that’s enough.

Do you consider yourself non-binary?

Definitely. I consider myself non-binary, transmasc, and agender all in one

Do you consider yourself transgender?

Yep

Do you plan on transitioning in any way? Name change, pronouns, surgery etc…

I’m thinking about getting top surgery, and voice therapy to deepen my high pitched soprano voice.

I’d love to start testosterone if it was controllable what results I’ll get, i really want some facial hair and a more masculine voice. But the physical changes in my nether regions, to my body shape and the increase of sex drive terrify me.

What are your preferred pronouns and how did you decide?

I use they/them and he/him. I just want to be anything but a girl

How strict are you with making sure people use your preferred pronouns and how vital are they to easing dysphoria?

I would love to be strict with correcting people on my pronouns. But I’m incredibly socially anxious and I just let it slide because I’m terrified of any kind of confrontation.

How soon after meeting someone do you explain your agender identity and ask them to use non-gendered terms and your preferred pronouns?

I just introduce myself as Lynx. I live in a country where non-gendered terms for people basically don’t exist so telling people to use them is not an option for me, for pronouns I’m usually too anxious to tell them. I’d happily let them know though if they ask first.

What are your thoughts on dead naming?

Horrible. But it’s okay for people who’ve known me with my deadname for basically as long as I was alive to slip up sometimes.

What is your preferred honorific?

None. Only “sir” is alright, in English, if it’s absolutely necessary. Although I don’t mind being called “your majesty”, “my Lord”, “your Grace” or similar.

How would you describe your sexual orientation?

Pretty sure I’m asexual and somewhat sex-repulsed, and questioning aro. Aesthetically (and maybe romantically) i love women, but if I ever happen to end up having sex with someone I’d prefer it with someone who has a penis.

Are you monogamous or non-monogamous?

No idea. I think being in a cozy queer platonic relationship with lots of cuddles and kisses with multiple people would be great though

What is your gender expression?

It’s whatever. I usually try to present more masculine, but sometimes, when my hair cooperates, i like being feminine too. I also like wearing skirts every now and then

Do you feel dysphoria? What is dysphoria like for you?

This question made me realize i don’t really feel dysphoria anymore. I wear binders, yes, but nowadays it’s not really a dysphoria thing, wearing binders is just what I do and what I’m comfortable in.

I think the only thing that gives me mild dysphoria is my smile, it makes me feel too feminine than I want. That’s why I rarely smile in pictures.

Also, people thinking I’m a woman when I deliberately try to present as masculine as possible. It just feel like all my efforts have gone to nothing. But It’s not that bad anymore.

How often do you have doubts about your gender identity?

I used to have a lot of doubts, but nowadays I’m just pretty much obsessed with my agender identity.

How often do you feel a desire to present or identify as identities aside from agender, be it your AGAB (assigned gender at birth), the opposite one, or non-binary?

Never really

What are your thoughts on gender nullification surgery?

Great for those who want it. I’m still tied on whether I want any surgeries at all

How did you first discover agender?

The internet is a wonderful place

How did you come to realise that you were agender?

Well my agender identity kinda just came about slowly, without realizing anything.

But my gender questioning came about by me looking at my face in the mirror and coming to the conclusion that, without my long hair, I look pretty androgynous, or even masculine. While trying out masculine hairstyles and cutting my hair short i thought a lot about my past, especially in elementary school, where i always wanted to be a boy, did boy things and everything. Although while thinking about it now being an adult and knowing non-binary genders exist, I didn’t really feel like i wanted to be a boy either.

After a while of questioning and spiraling into a depressive loop i just said to myself “you know what? Let’s just look up a cool gender neutral name and try out they/them pronouns with my best friend” and since then I’ve never let go of it.

How did it change how you lived your life, if it did at all?

For a while i completely rejected most of my “feminine” clothes, except for my beloved funky leggings. Now I wear skirts again sometimes, which i actually never did before I realized I’m trans, ironically enough. I don’t remember thinking much about my gender before realizing I’m agender, so thinking wise, other than an intense dysphoria period, nothing much changed.

How long have you identified as agender?

Trans/non-binary for about two and a half years (i never caught covid. But i caught a huge gender crisis). Agender for, idk, half a year now I guess

Why do you think it’s difficult for some people to grasp the concept of agender?

It’s all because of how they’ve been brought up. Breaking away from biases you’ve learned to be “the truth” basically your birth is incredibly difficult.

What are things about agender you wish people understood better?

Like all trans and cis people, we come in all shapes and sizes. Our agender identity isn’t automatically invalid because you “can tell” what birth gender we are. Complete Androgyny isn’t a requirement to be Agender.

Have you come out as agender? If yes, how did you come out?

Very awkwardly through my Instagram stories. Since my social anxiety makes coming out to people I already know so hard, it was my only way, and i hoped my family who was my insta stories would come talk to me about it themselves.

How did people react to your coming out?

So far very supportive.

What’s the hardest part about coming out?

My emotions. They always take over before i can say the first sentence and i hate trying to talk while I’m on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

What is dating and finding a romantic partner like?

No idea. Never dated

What are your thoughts on dating apps?

Tried it once for fun. Never again.

How has identifying as agender affected your relationships?

It helped me connect more with my fellow trans friends

What is it like filling legal forms about gender?

I hate when there’s only two options.

What is it like using public restrooms?

Anxiety inducing. But honestly nobody really gives a damn. I’m just worried about using the women’s restroom for monthly body shenanigan reasons while completely passing as “male”, for reasons fellow AFAB people probably understand.

What are your thoughts on having kids? Do you plan to have kids someday?

No thank you. Whenever I hear a screaming child i just want to throw it into outer space.

If you were to have kids someday, what would you like them to refer you as?

I’d tell them to just call me my name

What are your thoughts on skoliosexuality (attraction to any gender or nongender that isn’t cisgender)?

A valid sexuality as any other

Do you consider yourself to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community?

Yes

Do you identify as queer? If not, how do you identify?

Also yes

How do you feel about how agender is perceived in the LGBTQIA+ community?

I don’t know honestly

Have you experienced discrimination in the LGBTQIA+ community?

I don’t interact much with the community honestly

Do you agree that pride month is necessary?

While any month is pride month, June is important for us to be seen.

What are your thoughts about “ally” being added to the LGBTQIA+ acronym?

Nice, but might invite “”””allies”””” to join the community and harm it

What are your thoughts on labels?

Nice to narrow your identity down, but can also feel pretty restricting.

How has having the agender label benefited you?

Peace of mind. I have no gender, i just am. Using agender as a label reinforces that thought for me

What would you like to say to people who question agender as a gender identity?

I’d ask them why they care so much. Just let us be

Do you think that some of the misconceptions come from the idea that gender and sex are the same thing?

Yeah, probably

A kid asks if you are a boy or a girl, respond.

“are you a boy?”

– no.

“Then are you a girl?”

– no.

“Then what are you?”

– a menace.

How do you deal with people who are curious about your agender identity?

I happily answer questions if I feel like they just want to learn more about it

What are things to NOT say to an agender person?

The usual “it’s just a phase”, “you’ll grow out of it”, “you’re too young to understand that yet” etc etc.

What would you like to say to anyone who is agender or wondering if they are?

You’re valid, and you being yourself and comfortable with your body and presentation is what matters most.

How involved would you say you are with the agender community?

Not very

What are things you love about being agender, or being part of the agender community?

No gender.

How often do you meet other agender people?

Irl? Never.

How do you meet and connect with fellow agender people?

I don’t

Do you think sexuality, romantic attraction and gender identity are things that people are born with, influenced by upbringing, or both?

I think both

What would you like to say to queerphobic people?

With all due respect, I hope you spontaneously combust.

What would you like people to know about agender?

We don’t have to look genderless to have no gender.

How can people be better allies to agender people?

Just. Respect them, their names, their pronouns. Treat them like people just like literally anyone else. It’s not that hard.

Give a message to the queer community

Hi

~ Kind regards, Lynx.