What does being asexual mean to you?
In a literal sense, it means to me having little to no sexual attraction.
How do you identify within the spectrum?
Demisexual or more specifically demicaedsexual, a lesser known microlabel for those who are demisexual due to trauma.
What is your romantic orientation?
Biromantic as well as delloromantic (arospec).
Do you like being commonly called “ace”?
Generally I don’t mind. I use just ace when I’m around people I don’t know and especially people who’s views on asexuality is unknown. I prefer to be direct and say demi, but I’m also not always looking to explain it.
Do you experience sexual attraction?
Yes, very rarely. It’s only ever happened twice for me.
What is intimacy to you?
Intimacy is many things to me. It ranges from sensual to romantic to sexual for me. Those types of intimacy can either combine or be separate. As for what they include, that’s a bit more of a struggle to define for me personally.
Do you experience sexual arousal/ masturbate?
I experience sexual arousal pretty often! I masturbate very rarely, though for reasons relating to trauma.
How do you feel about people being sexually attracted to you?
I don’t really care. I don’t even really think about it. If someone were to tell me they found me sexually attractive I’d probably just be like “ok…” and move on.
What are your thoughts on the “A” in LGBTQIA+ often standing for “ally” instead of “asexual”?
I think it’s wrong. While historically the A once stood for ally, it stood for “ally” in the sense of “closeted but wanting to support”. It was for those who couldn’t come out. Ally nowadays does not mean that, therefore it’s wrong to say that the A stands for them. It erases us and aromantics.
Do you have an ace ring? What does an ace ring mean to you?
Yes I do! For me it’s pride, being proud to be me and sending signals to knowers.
Respond to the phrase “Maybe you just haven’t had good sex yet”
Ok and? Like what does that even mean, what changes if I have good sex? Nothing. I’ll have just had good sex.
Are you monogamous or non-monogamous?
Either, I’m open to whatever the person I’m dating is wanting.
How does your experience of asexuality relate to your gender?
I don’t really think it does for me. They just coexist I guess.
How did you first discover asexuality?
I found out about asexuality and it’s spectrum online in LGBTQIA+ friendly spaces. It wasn’t until several years later though that I questioned if I was on the spectrum.
How did you come to realise that you were asexual?
I saw someone say the term demisexual, which I had seen in passing but never knew the definition of, so I googled it and realized it perfectly described me.
How often do you have doubts about being asexual?
Nope, pretty luckily too.
How long have you identified as asexual?
I think it’s getting close to two years now.
Have societal pressures ever made you question your own sexual desires or lack of it?
Not really no. At least not in ways that significantly affected me.
What are things about asexuality you wish people understood better?
I wish people understood that asexuality isn’t hating sex and never having sex. Like sure, an asexual can hate and never have sex but that isn’t what makes them asexual.
How do you feel about society over-sexualizing almost everything?
I don’t really have many thoughts on it other than the way they put worth into it. That you’re only worth your sex appeal or body count.
Do you consider yourself to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community?
Yes.
How do you think your experiences through life may or may not have influenced/shaped your asexuality?
Yes, my trauma definitely had major influence over my demisexuality. Or rather caused it. Though I don’t view that as a bad thing.
How do you feel about how asexuality is perceived in the LGBTQIA+ community?
It’s a hit or miss really, as with a lot of queer identities. There’s always going to be some gatekeepers and they’re always going to flock to each other.
Have you experienced discrimination in the LGBTQIA+ community?
Yes, quite a bit.
Do you agree that pride month is necessary?
Yes.
What are your thoughts on labels?
I like labels personally. They helped me find myself and better understand myself. However I also recognize that it can be completely different for other people, that labels for them just makes things more confusing. I think people should just go with whatever they feel best fits them.
How has having the asexual label benefited you?
It’s made me more confident in who I am.
How do you feel about representation of asexuality in media?
There’s a lack of truly good rep, often it’s an amalgamation of negative stereotypes. But I do think it’s getting better.
What’d you like to say to people who question asexuality as a sexual orientation?
Honestly? Fuck off. It’s not something that’s up for debate.
What effects does being asexual have on your life?
It does make some things confusing that allos seem to perfectly understand.
How do you deal with people who are curious about your sexuality?
depends on the type of curiosity. how genuine is it and are they be intrusive, that decides how i react.
How do you deal with aphobia?
I do my best to ignore it or explain asexuality before cussing someone out.
What stereotypes about asexuality do you not relate to?
Liking cake more than sex. Not understanding anything sexual or what innuendos mean.
What are the most annoying things people have said to you about asexuality?
That demisexuality is “the norm”. Like no, it’s not. It’s not “the norm” to never experience sexual attraction until a deep emotional bond is formed. That bond for me can take up to 3 years or more.
What are things to NOT say to an asexual person?
“You should just give sex a try”, “Maybe you haven’t found the right one”, “Do you even masturbate then”
Do you think sexuality , romantic attraction and gender identity are things that people are born with, influenced by upbringing, or both?
I think a bit of both. It’s really hard to say one way or the other.
How have you been subjected to queerphobia?
Yes
How can people be better allies to asexual people?
Stop assuming things about us.
What are your thoughts on queer-baiting?
People mostly misuse the term queerbaiting nowadays. It’s a marketing thing only, individual people themselves CANNOT queerbait.