@salemfrankenindie for Instagram & salemindiesauce for Snapchat
Why didn’t your parents have more kids?
Mom said she wanted more but my “dad” was more or less a piece of shit and not in the picture. For my sake, supposedly, whilst growing up she didn’t want to date around excessively but I think it just more or less happened that way and she didn’t push for it because she was so incredibly stressed out with me as a single mother
Were your parents contented with one child or did they want more?
They ended up married shortly after I was conceived and then divorced within 8 months of my birth
Did your parents feel pressured to have more kids?
I I think they were both brainwashed into the idea of having a ton of kids in American society- conservative ideals, etc. I don’t think it’s often that many people get the chance to really consider the reality of wanting a kid versus the expectation.
How was growing up as an only child like? What was your childhood like?
I was alone for a vast majority of the time and found myself to be a very creative and on-the-go individual from an extremely young age. I was very stubborn and very in the know about what I wanted and was interested in. My mom tried to do the standard things but I can vividly remember asking to play board games or go do more activities with her and she simply didn’t have the time nor the interest. I remember feeling very ostracised and lonely from a very young age; school was honestly an absolute hell for me because I was bullied severely. Do I think this is necessarily related to being an only child? Absolutely not. We had done a last minute move to a more wealthy area when I was younger (kindergarten) and myself being poor with a single mother, I was immediately singled out. I can remember instances of being visibly “without” what other kids had at school (clothing, lunches, brand names, special school supplies) and then being a sort of weirdo because I didn’t have siblings. Other parents were skeptical of my family set up, being that I only had one parent and a parent that usually lived paycheck to paycheck.
Did you at some point, wish you had siblings?
Very infrequently. Perhaps it would be nice for reasons of travel or planning events in life, now that I’m 20, but generally growing up I really enjoyed my solitude and was in my own world. All that creativity and practice led me to a full-time career in the Arts in my current daily life- so I’ve never known anything else.
Did your parents have “the talk” with you about why you’re an only child?
Never.
Did you ever lie about having siblings?
No!
Seeing most people with siblings, how do you cope?
In a lot of ways I honestly feel grateful that I don’t have to deal with some of the negative issues that come along with having siblings whether they’re more on the serious and in adult life or the trivial things like stealing each other’s clothing or boyfriends in the teenage years. Ultimately it led me to being a very diverse individual and having a lot of friends from very different backgrounds, rather than a large group of the same five friends over multiple years. I’m sure it has contributed to my ability to get along with almost anybody and change my mannerisms and method of communication to meet different people’s walks of life and stories.
Do you feel lonely sometimes? Would it be better if you had a sibling?
At this point, 26, that topic may more relate to a significant other. Perhaps as a teenager it may have.
Do you feel left out when people talk about their siblings?
I have found over the years that it’s a stellar source of storytelling and having a good sense of humor when I share my own experiences that are devoid of siblings when compared with other people’s experiences that include their siblings. I don’t really get in-depth, weird reactions for being an OC but I do find myself reflecting on it a lot at my current age in comparison with other people’s lived experiences
Are you an Introvert, ambivert or extrovert?
Introvert. I have a very loud and distinct aesthetic style and I’m a very friendly and headstrong person but I find myself almost exclusively only hanging out with individuals one-on-one and I need an excessive amount of time alone just to sit and think really. My customer service and relatability skills, however, are better than most by far (which has helped me a lot). I am very keen to others and neurotic by way of my personality so I take on a lot and carry it from the hyper social world we live in and almost can’t escape.
Are your parents overprotective?
My mother is quite conservative and I think she has largely lived in her own bubble. Luckily she taught me to have a very DIY approach to common-sense things but was relatively closed-minded to other cultures, religions, or different ways to go about things- which did not help me early on.
Did being an only child affect your social skills?
The biggest issue that I have struggled with from an early age is extreme anxiety, neuroticism, and just a general overwhelming awareness of how I look, act, and exist to other people; this has led to a lot of destructive behavior and personal pain over the years. Do I think that this is necessarily directly linked to being an only child? Definitely not as many people from large families struggle with these things
What’s your personality type?
More type A but hyper aware of not wanting to appear as that to other people; this flipside is a certain amount of passiveness that’s has gotten me in trouble, especially in relationships.
Is it easy for you to make friends?
Because I have a more flamboyant exterior that can’t necessarily be hidden all the time, many people come up to me or have questions and so that builds an immediate bridge. Sometimes my mental health issues get in the way of letting my guard down or being able to calm down enough to exist around a stranger, even if I can stifle all of that with general friendliness and good conversation. I would say my strengths lie within being personable and having a witty sense of humor/communication: being able to laugh at myself and use my own lived xperience to relate to others
Do you consider your friends your siblings?
Not quite.
Do you want kids?If so, would you like to have an only child?
Absolutely not. But in theory I am not opposed to only children by any means. I think there are many perks
Does being an only child sometimes affect your decisions?
Perhaps for some of us only children the world has revolved around only concerning us to an extent than most other people would have found themselves, but generally I don’t actively think about it on a regular decision-making bases.
How has being an only child affected your life, or how is being an only child affecting your life?
I think it’s natural to find the grass greener on the other side and wonder “what if?” But ultimately none of us can change the cards that we were dealt and so I think it’s important that we own our own individual stories whether we have nine siblings or zero. I find myself having many friends that are only children and they are all extremely unique and very friendly and outgoing individuals.
Growing up, how was your relationship with your parents?
My mother and I continue to have a strained relationship to this day. My dad was never in the picture, which I still understandably struggle with and don’t fully know what you make of it. However, as a 26 year old adult I am able to recognize reality and what has happened
What effect does being an only child have on your romantic relationships?
I think the only major difference I have noticed is all of the sort of memories and beautiful storylines my various partners over the years have seemed to have with their families. I almost feel like I’m letting them down by not having that support system when they are dating me. I don’t have that sibling with the married partner of 8 years that has the wonderful house on the lake that we can go on vacation at for 2 months out of the year, or the brother that’s extremely handy and willing to come over on the drop of a dime and fix whatever broke in our house; things like that suck, because it’s just you. You ARE the whole package deal to someone else romantically.
What effect does being an only child have on your career?
I do find that only children seem to be very driven and able to explore their own unique passions earlier on without the cloud of other siblings. I believe this more often than not probably effects only children’s careers and further education in ways of grit and drive.
What are the biggest misconceptions about only children?
That we are selfish, self-centered, and have poor social skills
Do you get along well with adults?
100% old soul through & through. I have always loved being around older adults because I’ve always been told my wisdom most beyond my years.
Do you do well with kids?
I’m good with them but I can’t say I honestly love being around children/babies or like dealing with their constant neediness and demands. I grew up with animals around me in so those were my literal siblings. I still to this day have an extremely close bond with all the animals and have spent years working with them as well.
Are you spoiled?If so, in what ways?
I don’t believe that I was ever spoiled or that anyone thinks that of me- thankfully!
Do you sometimes feel like your parents put up with you because they don’t have a choice?
Absolutely!
When was it the most hard being an only child, in adolescent or adulthood?
I think each time had its unique and individual struggles. But again, I do have very vivid memories and emotions associated with childhood and not having a play partner; really, not being able to rely on my mother to go somewhere or do something that I wanted to do all the time because of the demands that were placed on her.
When did you start to like being an only child?
I don’t ever recall detesting it but I started to have a real appreciation for it into my twenties
How do people react when you tell them that you’re an only child?
Most people don’t have that traumatic of a reaction but I’m always willing to talk about it or answer questions
What fears do you have, that stem from being an only child?
Probably abandonment and lack of stability or stability that will last for a permanent amount of time
How do you feel about your birthday? Growing up, how did you celebrate birthdays? How do you celebrate birthdays now?
We would always do a little family get-together of sorts and now I generally try to do something with friends or take it as an opportunity to do something unique I’ve always wanted to do. I feel like I had a pretty standard understand it around birthdays for the typical American household
Do you talk to yourself?
Absolutely! I believe it’s quite healthy.
Did you / do you have imaginary friends?
No
Which of these things is the most important to you? Privacy, companionship, alone time, attention.
I think all are crucial to every individual on some level but I value companionship and loyalty probably above all else with alone time following.
Who did you blame when you did something wrong as a kid?
I believe myself or I probably evaded it!
What do you miss most about being a kid?
I feel like a lot of my innocence was deteriorated very young due to my blossoming in mental health issues (that I don’t think we’re necessarily correlated to being an only child but simply just being who I am both mentally and medically). I just remember always growing up with intense sadness and perhaps too realistic of an understanding of the world from a young age. I don’t feel like I got to lose myself in a fantasy world like I should have, I’m so now just turning 26 I find that I am grieving a lot of should-haves and a lot of that childlike wonder that I desperately try to get back. As an active artist, I do find that I try to include those themes in my work and explore those questions in my writings as well
What do you think is your best personality trait?
I think my empathy/ability to hear and relate to others of diverse walks of life & then my wit/dry sense of humor. Creativity/artistic flair is a given because that’s never not been a part of my life.
What do you think is your worst personality trait?
Neuroticism, critical nature, etc.
Do you enjoy being the center of attention?
Absolutely not. I would always take F’s on any public speaking projects throughout all of my education and absolutely cringe at the thought.
Have you always been a good kid?
Definitely not.
What life skills do you have, thanks to being an only child?
I have the ability to be able to sit with myself and by myself in the hardest of times- as well as being able to think critically & figure out myself in the world around me, on my own. I have a very DIY approach to life and the problems that occur throughout living; that has gotten me through so many countless incidents in my life. I feel that I am an assertive & head-strong individual that’s now starting to own who they are for the good, bad and ugly; I can genuinely appreciate that about myself because it’s taken years of unrelenting hard work & therapy.
Do you think being an only child affects mental health? If so, how?
I don’t think there’s anything in life that doesn’t affect mental health in some way shape or form
What stereotypes about only children do you not relate to?
Being stingy or spoiled rotten
What stereotypes about only children do you relate to?
Perhaps being stubborn, headstrong, and extremely independent.
What about sibling-ship makes you glad that you’re an only child?
Sharing meaningful personal items, not being viewed as an individual or having accomplishments or crucial developments overshadowed by others in the chaos of multiple kids in a household.
What are the most annoying things that people have said to you about being an only child?
The repetitive stereotypes and general ignorance
What are things to NOT say to an only child?
Any sort of stereotyping or treating them as “weirdos”
Do you think that there are few only children, compared to people with siblings?
I think it probably evens out more than we think.
Do you feel the pressure to be perfect?
By myself, yes.
What are the most only child things about you?
Independence, stubbornness, alone-time necessities.
What advice do you have for parents of an only child?
To make them do things and figure out things on their own so that they could become a critical thinking adult that can handle various social situations. Also understanding that the world doesn’t revolve around them and attempting to pull them out of their own universe
Do you love or hate being an only child?
Mostly love!
If you had a choice, would you choose to be an only child?
Yes.
Growing up, did you have pets? Do you still have pets?
See above answers.