Why didn’t your parents have more kids?

My mom had a lot of miscarriages before me, so I think she didn’t want to go through that again. And they always just said they were happy with one.

Did your parents feel pressured to have more kids?

I don’t think so. My family has always treated my being an only child as normal. Plus some of their good friends also only had one kid.

What was growing up as an only child like? What was your childhood like?

I was (and am) very close with my first cousins. I spent a lot of time with my extended family, and as a kid it didn’t feel like I was missing anything. I was very, very close to my parents, to the point where I struggled to be home alone or go to sleepovers.

Did/do you have imaginary friends?

No. I never understood how that worked. I tried because it seemed cool to me (lol), but like, I always knew it was imaginary, so it didn’t make sense to me.

Did you at some point, wish you had siblings?

Not until I was an adult.

Did your parents have “the talk” with you about why you’re an only child?

Not formally. I asked a few times.

Did you ever lie about having siblings?

No.

Seeing most people with siblings, how do you cope?

I try to compensate with friends and cousins. I think I’m quicker to think of friends as chosen family than people with siblings are.

Do you feel lonely sometimes? Would it be better if you had a sibling?

Yes. I feel lonely in my relationship with my parents. I think it would be easier in every way if I had a sibling.

Are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?

Pretty extroverted, but I love alone time as well.

Are your parents overprotective?

Yes.

Did being an only child affect your social skills?

I think it affected my ability to mentally handle conflict, but I don’t think it affected my social skills.

What’s your personality type?

Does this mean Myers-Briggs? If so, ENFP.

Is it easy for you to make friends?

It takes me a really long time to feel comfortable around people enough to call them close friends, but I’m good at talking to strangers.

Do you consider your friends your siblings?

Some of them, yes. And I consider cousins my siblings.

Do you want kids?If so, would you like to have an only child?

Yes, I want kids. I would never, ever, ever have an only child.

Growing up, how was your relationship with your parents?

Very very close. I remember reading the Harry Potter books and being sad because I thought I could never go away to boarding school without missing my parents too much. I felt like they were my best friends, especially my mom, but I was also freaked out by that and felt like there was something wrong with me.

How is your relationship with your parents now?

It’s good, but complicated. My mom wants more closeness and I want more distance and autonomy. We struggle with it. But I love them both and see them fairly frequently.

What did your parents do right and wrong, in raising an only child?

My parents were great parents. They loved and supported me, and never put pressure on me to pursue things I didn’t want to. They made it a priority to spend time with my cousins and extended family. I think they didn’t give me enough privacy, though.

What effects does being an only child have on your life (relationships, career) e.t.c?

I think it makes me more conflict averse. With siblings, you learn that anger can be resolved and is not the end of the world. As an only child, you have less experience resolving peer-to-peer conflicts, and when you are in conflict, it usually just means you’re in trouble.

What are your thoughts on “Only Child Syndrome”?

I think there is some truth to it, but I think the psychological affects of being an only child are much more nuanced.

Growing up, did you get along well with older people?

Yes.

Do you do well with kids?

Yes.

Are you spoiled? If so, in what ways?

Yes lol. But mostly just in attention and love, which is a good way to be spoiled.

When was it the most hard being an only child, childhood, adolescence or adulthood?

Adulthood by a mile. I wish I had someone who understood my family from the same perspective as me. I wish I had an ally going into my parents’ old age.

How do people react when you tell them that you’re an only child?

Usually some variation of, “Oh, that makes sense,” lol.

How do you feel about your birthday? Growing up, how did you celebrate birthdays? How do you celebrate birthdays now?

I always do something for my birthday. As a kid, my birthday was an uncomplicated source of joy.

Do you talk to yourself?

Yes.

Which of these things is the most important to you? Privacy, companionship, alone time, attention.

God, all of the above somehow. But as for most important, it’s probably privacy.

Who did you blame when you did something wrong as a kid?

Myself.

What do you miss most about being a kid?

Not a whole lot. Maybe the feeling of possibility stretched before me. My grandparents.

What do you think is your best personality trait?

I can be very enthusiastic and affectionate.

What do you think is your worst personality trait?

Passive aggression and anxiety.

Do you enjoy being the center of attention?

Yes.

Have you always been a “good child”?

Yes.

What life skills do you have, thanks to being an only child?

I’m very comfortable alone. I have no problem going out alone, eating alone, etc.

Do you think being an only child affects mental health? If so, how?

Deeply, yes. My issues with conflict avoidance cause a huge amount of anxiety. I think a lot of my relational patterns come back to my relationship with my parents, which is and was deeply impacted by being an only child.

Do you think that there are few only children, compared to people with siblings?

Yes, but I think there’s more only children than you would think.

Do you feel the pressure to be perfect?

In some ways, yes.

Do you think you worry more or less about your parents because you are an only child?

Much much more.

Do you feel obligated to take care of your parents when they get old?

Yes.

What are the most annoying things that people have said to you about being an only child?

My partner’s cousin basically thinks that only children are emotionally damaged weirdos, but that’s probably the only time I’ve ever heard anyone be genuinely rude.

What are the biggest misconceptions about only children?

That it’s toughest to be an only child as a kid.

What are the most “only child things” about you?

I love being the center of attention.

What stereotypes about only children do you not relate to?

I don’t relate to the thing about being really selfish. I think I sometimes can be selfish (like everyone!), but I don’t think that shows up in my friendships or romantic relationships too much.

What fears do you have, that stem from being an only child?

Fears of conflict. Fears of never being able to leave home or be independent. Fears of taking care of my aging parents.

What are disadvantages of being an only child?

Not having a family member as an adult who understands you and your family like only a sibling can.

What are advantages of being an only child

I think you can develop a uniquely close relationship with your parents as an only child. There is also an incentive to become close with extended family. And being an only child means you get to absorb so much attention and love from your family.

What advice do you have for only children?

Talk to other only children.

Growing up, did you have pets? Do you still have pets?

Yep! We always had a dog, and I have pets now as an adult.

If you had a choice, would you choose to be an only child?

Absolutely not.