What does being non-binary mean to you?
Being perceived outside of the gender binary and not conforming to gender norms
What are your thoughts on the concept of gender?
As I said to the boy on the bus who asked if I was a boy or a girl “no thank you”
Do you think society as a whole would function differently if no one was assigned a gender at birth?
Yes, I think it would make everything so much easier. Labelling people off of their genitals is just… weird
Do you feel like you were misgendered at birth? What do you wish that you would have been gendered as?
I wish now that I could have been gendered differently, although I didn’t feel particularly dissociated from my gender growing up, I just never really thought about it that much.
Do you consider yourself transgender?
I guess so? I’m definitely not cis anyway!
Do you plan on transitioning in any way? Name change, pronouns, surgery etc…
Yes, yes, yes. I hate my assigned name because it’s super feminine, I just haven’t decided on a name that fits me. I’ve changed my pronouns from she/her to they/them and when I’m old enough I’m definitely getting top surgery because I hate my chest.
What are your preferred pronouns and how did you decide?
They/them. Thought I was a demigirl (she/they) for a while but honestly didn’t really like being referred to by she. Then someone actually used they for me and it gave me so much euphoria.
How strict are you with making sure people use your preferred pronouns and how vital are they to easing dysphoria?
I get really dysphoric when people misgender me but unfortunately I’m too shy to correct people. Often my friend corrects people for me which is amazing though.
How soon after meeting someone do you explain your gender and ask them to use your preferred pronouns?
At the moment I’m still only out to my friends (some of them anyway) so only after I’ve known them for a while and made sure I can trust them.
What are your thoughts on dead naming?
For me, I don’t actually have a preferred name yet but I still feel uncomfortable when people used my assigned name.
What is your preferred honorific?
Sir but I also love gender neutral ones like mx
How would you describe your sexual orientation?
Used to be lesbian but I honestly don’t know anymore so I just say I’m gay.
Did understanding your gender change your understanding of your sexuality?
Yes. I thought I was a lesbian and then after I discovered I was non binary I had no idea anymore so I just kind of left it
What is your gender expression?
Androgynous, leaning masc. I hate expressing/being perceived as a girl or feminine
Do you feel dysphoria? What is dysphoria like for you?
I get really bad dysphoria about my chest. For me, aside from feeling general discomfort, I look in the mirror etc, and it feels like it belongs to a different person. It’s a strange feeling and hard to describe and horrible to experience.
How often do you have doubts about your gender identity?
Sometimes. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just faking it and if I’m just a girl or demigirl that’s just trying to get attention. When I first questioned pronouns I thought that I just hated she/her because that’s what people used when they made fun of me.
How did you first discover non-binary?
Friends, lgbt TikTok compilations on YouTube, I honestly can’t remember exactly what.
How did you come to realise that you were non-binary?
My best friend came out at a demigirl, I thought that it fit me. Realised I actually hated she/her and loved they/them and didn’t feel like a girl at all and I was just scared to step outside of the box that people had put me in.
How did it change how you lived your life, if it did at all?
Aside from dysphoria it made me much happier
How long have you identified as non-binary?
A month or so? I started questioning on holiday and started thinking I might be enby on my birthday, so about a week before Halloween.
Have societal pressures ever made you question/suppress your non-binary identity?
Yes
Why do you think it’s difficult for some people to grasp the concept of non-binary?
Society has made boxes that are hard to break down
How did you start to come to terms with your non-binary identity?
Watching lots of non binary TikTok compilations on YouTube. Seeing other people who felt the same way really helped
What was the moment where you fully came to terms with your non-binary identity?
Explaining how I felt to my friend. Saying it out loud really helped and all of a sudden it just clicked.
Has your understanding of non-binary shifted since you first learned about it?
Totally. At first I thought it meant not being a boy or a girl and being 100% in the middle, dressing androgynous etc. Now I know how diverse the non binary spectrum is
Have you come out as non-binary? If yes, how did you come out?
Yes. The first person was my best friend who I just straight up went and told them. Then my favourite teacher, who again I just told them. Then my mum via a joke. And then my art teacher who I was showing my sketchbook for an art challenge I did and forgot about a comic I made about my gender for one of the prompts
Probably my favourite was coming out to my partner. I was really scared but as soon as I told them they went “there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you as well… me too”
How did you decide who to tell and who do you tell now when meeting new people?
Ask them what they think about non binary people first and if they seem supportive then I tell them.
How did people react to your coming out?
“Oh that makes a lot of sense actually”
What’s the hardest part about coming out?
Not knowing whether someone will support you or tell you you’re wrong and shouldn’t exist
What is dating and finding a romantic partner like?
My partners non binary as well
What is it like using public restrooms?
Stressful. I present very androgynously leaning towards masc but use women’s toilets because that’s my assigned gender and I’m often with people who I haven’t told. Even before I knew I was enby I got slurs yelled at me whenever I went into the bathroom so now I’m scared to go in and always try and bring a friend who knows about me.
What are your thoughts on having kids? Do you plan to have kids someday?
I don’t like kids they’re annoying
If you were to have kids someday, what would you like them to refer you as?
I have no idea, I’ve seen loads of cute gender neutral names for parents but I would probably just go with my name to be honest.
What are your thoughts on skoliosexuality (attraction to any gender or nongender that isn’t cisgender)?
Of people can only like girls, and only like boys, then it makes sense that they can only like people who are neither.
Do you consider yourself to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community?
100%
Do you identify as queer? If not, how do you identify?
Yep
Are you religious? If so, how does your faith and queerness work together?
No, I’m not religious
Have you experienced discrimination in the LGBTQIA+ community?
Nope
What bothers you in the LGBTQIA+ community?
The internal fighting. Gay people being transphobic etc drives me insane. We’re all in the same boat. We’ve all had similar experiences with hatred. So don’t make other people experience that hatred.
Have you ever been to a pride parade? How did it go?
Yes! I went to my first one this year with my mum and it was amazing. I met loads of amazing people and it was one of the best days of my life.
Do you agree that pride month is necessary?
1000%
What are your thoughts about “ally” being added to the LGBTQIA+ acronym?
No. You being a decent human being does not count
What are your thoughts on labels?
Overrated but I understand completely why people use them
How has having the non-binary label benefited you?
It helps me express to other people how I feel.
How do you feel about representation of non-binary in media?
There should be more, and there should be more diverse
What would you like to say to people who question non-binary as a gender identity?
First of all it has nothing to do with you. Secondly, science says it is and so does nature.
Do you think that some of the misconceptions come from the idea that gender and sex are the same thing?
Yes.
A kid asks if you are a boy or a girl, respond.
Im neither. I’m non binary which means that…
Or if I’m tired: “No thank you”
How do you deal with people who are curious about your non-binary identity?
Explain it the best I can! People being curious is a great thing because it means they’re not being ignorant.
How do you deal with unfair/mean comments?
Ignore them. There’s no point dwelling on people being hateful because they have no idea what they’re talking about.
What was the most difficult moment in your life surrounding being non-binary?
Hearing people who in closeted to saying that non binary people aren’t real and being enbyphobic. Was planning to come out to my guidance teacher (since as a guidance teacher it’s kind of her job to accept and help me) and that lesson she said that there was only two genders and other “made up” genders weren’t real. That hurt and there was nothing I could do about it because the only person I was out to was my best friend.
What non-binary stereotypes do you relate to?
Being androgynous, liking frogs and listening to Mother Mother
What are things to NOT say to a non-binary person?
But what’s your *real* gender/ what’s in your pants. Do you not realise how inappropriate that second question is?!
What would you like to say to anyone who is non-binary or wondering if they are?
It’s ok not to be sure, and it’s ok to not fit into what society wants you to be.
How involved would you say you are with the non-binary community?
I’ve not really had an opportunity to be involved yet.
What are things you love about being non-binary, or being part of the non-binary community?
Everyone is so accepting and lovely. We’ve all been oppressed and told we can’t be something so there’s no way we’re going to do that to each other.
What are things that most non-binary people can relate to?
“Are you a boy or a girl” Actually this question makes me incredibly euphoric but I know it drives people insane.
How often do you meet other non-binary people?
Not very often. Actually very rarely apart from in queer spaces.
How do you recognise other non-binary people irl?
Pins! I love pins. I can’t wait until I’m less closeted and can get some of my own.
How do you meet and connect with fellow non-binary people?
Our school has an lgbt club
Do you think sexuality , romantic attraction and gender identity are things that people are born with, influenced by upbringing, or both?
Born with. Upbringing can mean that different people figure out at different times but no one just wakes up and decides “I want to hate my body and be oppressed”
What’s it like being queer in your country/society?
Sometimes it can be hard, especially with the current state of the uk government. I’m just grateful I’m not in America.
How have you been subjected to queerphobia?
All the time.
What would you like to say to queerphobic people?
People are just minding their business and living their life. Leave them alone.
What would you like people to know about non-binary?
It’s a spectrum. Some people use they/them and present genderless but not everyone does! Non binary people can be masc, femme, or anything in between
How can people be better allies to non binary people?
Respect their pronouns and name! You have no idea how good it makes people feel. Also correct people when they deadname or misgender them. Not everyone is comfortable enough to do it themselves even if they want to.
What are some of your favorite pieces of media with authentic representation everyone should watch?
The Owl House by Dana Terrace. It’s my favourite show. There’s sooo much representation: the main character is bi and in a relationship with a lesbian, there’s multiple non binary characters and it’s just an all round amazing show.
Who are your favorite non-binary celebrities or characters?
Double Trouble from she-ra and Raine Whispers from The Owl House
Give a message to the queer community
You are valid, you are not alone, and I love you 🙂