What does having dermatillomania entail?
Picking at, or tearing off, your skin to such an extent that it becomes a serious problem in your day to day life.
Do you have other related conditions?
I have been diagnosed with GAD, depression, and ADHD. I have eczema.
Do you know what may have caused it?
It was very long ago, so not sure. Eczema itching caused me to scratch my skin at first.
When did you first start picking?
As a very young child, unsure when.
When were you diagnosed with dermatillomania?
It wasn’t diagnosed, my doctors didn’t seem to recognise it. I found out about it on English-speaking forums.
How did you feel knowing that there was a word for what you had? How did your diagnosis help?
It was a relief to learn that I was not alone and that I was not a monster for picking at my skin. It helped me to put my experience into words when seeking guidance.
What symptoms do you experience? What areas do you usually pick?
I pick at my feet (not the soles, thankfully), my legs, the back of my knees and the folds of my arms.
How often do you pick?
Very often. At least once an hour. During the night too. It’s kind of subconscious, but not really. I do know and realise I’m picking but it’s become like a reflex.
What are your triggers?
Anxiety and boredom. Physically, sweating might make it worse (itchier). I’m very tempted to scratch and tear the skin off when the wounds turn into visually disgraceful crusts (which they almost always do, that’s how they heal).
How would you describe how you feel when you pick at your skin?
It feels very satisfying. It’s not mutilation, because self-harmers are looking for a feeling of pain. I don’t want to feel pain. When I pick at my skin it’s barely painful, just like a tingling.
Have you ever been caught picking?
Yes, by family. It’s always embarrassing.
How does dermatillomania affect your day-to-day life?
Very. I’ve been having a relapse. I can’t shower because it burns the affected areas very badly and it keeps burning half a hour after the shower, it feels unbearable. Instead I wash myself by hand but not in a shower. It also hurts when I wear shoes, and it itches near constantly. I have to wear socks in bed or else I can’t sleep because of the itching from skin contact.
Are there any potentially dangerous aspects to having dermatillomania? Have you experienced any?
Wounds can get infected but it hasn’t happened to me.
Do you tell people you have dermatillomania or is that something that you hope would remain more of a secret?
I don’t tell them. It disgusts people usually and it doesn’t really help me to tell them.
Have you developed mechanisms to manage it?
Nothing I’ve seen from other patients helped me so far. I just wear light clothing on the affected parts which makes me less prone to picking.
Have you had any treatment to help? How effective are they?
I haven’t, but the only times it completely healed over was from moments of great mental health so I suspect psychiatric treatment may help.
Have you experienced any sort of stigma for having dermatillomania? Did that take a toll on you? How did/do you deal with it?
Yes, other kids thought it was contagious.
Does dermatillomania have an affect on what you wear or things you do? Is there anything that having dermatillomania has prevented you from doing that you really wish you could do?
I can’t go to the pool or swim and I must wear covering clothing even in summer. I also can’t do blood tests if my arms are too affected.
What do you find is the biggest challenge of living with dermatillomania?
The toll on mental health, the constant itching day and night.
What are things to NOT say or do to people who have dermatillomania?
‘Just stop picking!’ Buddy, if I could, I would. I’m not in the business of collecting skin peelings. It doesn’t bring any money really.
How do you feel about how dermatillomania is portrayed in media? What are some of your favorite pieces of media with authentic representation?
I’ve never seen it portrayed. Representation would be nice but I understand it is not glamorous. The worst cases – like me – are body horror and it provokes visceral reactions in people.
What would you like to say to people who have dermatillomania?
Hang on there. It took me 20 years to see my skin completely healed, when I moved out of my parents’. I didn’t realise my anxiety and trauma played such a huge part in this physical picking.
What would you like to say to parents of people who have dermatillomania?
The best thing you can do, even if it sounds odd – let your child pick. Telling them to stop or that they should feel guilty will not help. But do provide them with any healthy coping mechanisms they like, like fidget toys or covering clothing.
How do you wish our society would perceive and treat people with dermatillomania?
I wish they’d understand it’s an actual disorder and that it doesn’t make its victims disgusting people.