What does being asexual mean to you?
There are two answers to that.
One: It means I do not see people and want to have sex with them. I do not want to have sex with people I know. Nor with people I find pretty/admire/etc
Two: It means there is nothing wrong or broken about me. I only discovered my identity a few months ago and I can’t even begin to tell you how grateful I am to finally have my whole life experience validated.
How do you identify within the spectrum?
I identify as Aegosexual.
What is your romantic orientation?
Still figuring that out but I think it’s aromantic or demiromantic
Do you like being commonly called “ace”?
Yeah, I really like it. I try to use it to describe our community too, so to establish the nickname in germany.
Do you experience sexual attraction?
No.
What is intimacy to you?
Since I have some trauma growing up as the love interest of a number of boys/men intimacy for me is being comfortable being around and touching a person without the fear of them misinterpreting my actions. Just being able to cuddle/hold each other.
What’s your outlook on love and sex?
For now I’m comfortable with the thought of not having either. But I think I’d like a partnership in the future.
Do you experience sexual arousal/ masturbate?
Yes, I have a higher libido depending where I am on my hormonal cycle and sometimes I’m just bored. It feels good but I’m totally satisfied (hehe) with taking care of it on my own.
How do you feel about people being sexually attracted to you?
Ugh, please stop. I feel gross just thinking about it.
What are your thoughts on the “A” in LGBTQIA+ often standing for “ally” instead of “asexual”?
Violence
Do you have an ace ring? What does an ace ring mean to you?
Yes! It is a subtle way of showing my orientation and I love rings so it’s a win win. Sadly the meaning of the ace ring is not very commonly known in my country.
Respond to the phrase “Maybe you just haven’t had good sex yet”
Maybe you haven’t been punched hard enough for your braincells to work yet.
Are you monogamous or non-monogamous?
I think monogamous but since I only ever had one relationship I am not really sure.
How did you first discover asexuality?
I googled what romantic attraction feels like and stumbled upon a page on the different sexualities. A fever dream of internet searches and like 10 tests later it was pretty clear
How did you come to realise that you were asexual?
My whole adult life I thought something was off. Finally I was tired of pretending I liked people and searched the internet for an answer
How often do you have doubts about being asexual?
After the first few weeks none at all.
How long have you identified as asexual?
5 months now
Have societal pressures ever made you question your own sexual desires or lack of it?
Oh yes. Ohoho yes. My thoughts ran from being a ‘late bloomer’ to being too shy, to being a prude or just very picky. After I forced myself to have a crush on a guy (do not do this. Seriously. If he hadn’t accepted my ‘No’ and left this could have ended horribly) I decided to just be contend the way I am and frick everyone thinking otherwise.
Why do you think it’s difficult for some people to grasp the concept of asexuality?
Describing the absence of a feeling is hard. Kinda like trying to describe colors to a blind person.
Has your understanding of asexuality shifted since you first learned about it?
Oh yes, very much. I learned quite a lot from websites and reddit.
What are things about asexuality you wish people understood better?
We are not robots, we can have sex if we want to, we are fully fledged persons, we are not children, do not pity us, we are not broken and thus not in need of fixing
Have you come out as asexual? If yes, how did you come out?
I’ve told my close friends and my family except for my dad (we just don’t talk much, it hasn’t come up and I don’t want to force the topic and make it weird)
How did you decide who to tell and who do you tell now when meeting new people?
Well my close friends were easy to decide since we already talk alot about our experiences and preferences in the bedroom. Most people just do not need to know. If they ask, I’ll tell them but for most it is just none of their business.
How did people react to your coming out?
Very positively, although the lack of knowledge around asexuality makes the talk quite exhausting.
What’s something you wish you had known about asexuality before coming out ?
The lack of people knowing it exists.
What’s the hardest part about coming out?
Saying it out loud for the first time and trusting the person you’re talking to to not be an asshole about it.
What is dating and finding a romantic partner like?
Nonexistent in my personal life.
What are your thoughts on dating apps?
Dating apps are even for allo people hard and depressing. I hate the thought of men liking me just because they saw a photo of me, so I’ll just pass.
How do you feel about society over-sexualizing almost everything?
It’s exhausting.
What are your thoughts on having kids? Do you plan to have kids someday?
Not at the moment, no.
Do you consider yourself to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community?
At first I didn’t, but now I’d say yes. We are here, we exists, we face some of the same hardships other orientations face. And we are in the name
How do you think your experiences through life may or may not have influenced/shaped your asexuality?
More the other way around. My asexuality has shaped the experiences in my life.
How do you feel about how asexuality is perceived in the LGBTQIA+ community?
Some still want to exclude us and I think that is sad.
Have you experienced discrimination in the LGBTQIA+ community?
No, but I’m not really present in the community, so…
What bothers you in the LGBTQIA+ community?
The oversexualization
Do you agree that pride month is necessary?
Yes, absolutely
What are your thoughts on labels?
They help explain parts of ourselves that we might not understand. And they tell us that we are not alone.
How has having the asexual label benefited you?
My friends tell me that I’ve acted as if a weight has been lifted from me since I started actively using the label. The pressure of finding a relationship/having sex is gone.
How do you feel about representation of asexuality in media?
Lacking. Very lacking. Love the scene in Sex Education. There are also way too few meaningful platonic friendships
What’d you like to say to people who question asexuality as a sexual orientation?
Stop being an ass
How do you deal with people who are curious about your sexuality?
I tell them. If they are exhausting I just refer them to websites.
What was the most difficult moment in your life surrounding being asexual?
Telling my mom. But I really shouldn’t have worried.
What stereotypes about asexuality do you not relate to?
Not being horny and not getting sex jokes. I love my innuendos and am very dirty minded.
What stereotypes about asexuality do you relate to?
Garlic bread is better than sex.
What are the most annoying things people have said to you about asexuality?
“Are you sure?” “I bet it’s just a phase” “You just haven’t found the right person yet”
What would you like to say to anyone who is asexual or wondering if they’re on the asexual spectrum?
You are not alone. You are not broken. Your feelings are valid. If you feel comfortable with the label you are welcome to use it. If your feelings change in the future you have not “betrayed” the ace community. Use the label as long as it suits you. I love you.
How involved would you say you are with the asexual community?
Mostly on reddit.
What are things you love about being asexual, or being part of the asexual community?
The jokes. The insiders. Dragons, cake, garlic bread, the invasion of denmark. Also the community is just so extremely friendly and welcoming, it’s great.
What are things that most asexual people can relate to?
The confusion about what the frick sexual attraction even feels like and people really think that much about it? And they want to frick strangers???
How often do you meet other asexual people?
Sadly I’ve never met one.
How do you meet and connect with fellow asexuals?
Do you think sexuality , romantic attraction and gender identity are things that people are born with, influenced by upbringing, or both?
Both
What’s it like being queer in your country/society?
Better than in many other countries fortunately. I also live in a very open minded bubble
What would you like to say to queerphobic people?
Fuck you