What does being asexual mean to you?

It means two things; scientifically and personally. Asexual means without or removal of sex. To me it means that I’m different.

How do you identify within the spectrum?

I’m a sex repulsed asexual, but am okay with my husband only and no one else.

What is your romantic orientation?

Heteromantic

Do you like being commonly called “ace”?

Eh, can take it or leave it. I use the whole word cause ace isn’t something everyone knows about.

Do you experience sexual attraction?

Nope.

What is intimacy to you?

Cuddling, taking care of each other, holding hands, fluffy stuff

What’s your outlook on love and sex?

Love doesn’t equal sex. Just because my other half and I don’t have sex doesn’t mean I love him any less than any other would their spouse.

Do you experience sexual arousal/ masturbate?

Nope, and ew.

How do you feel about people being sexually attracted to you?

Uncomfortable.

What are your thoughts on the “A” in LGBTQIA+ often standing for “ally” instead of “asexual”?

We’ve never been allowed to sit with the cool kids because we weren’t pariahs amongst the human race, and how dare. I could give a flying fuck really. If you get bothered by it and wanna fight for our inclusion then go for it?

Do you have an ace ring? What does an ace ring mean to you?

I do not. When I went to high school many years ago, black rings worn on the middle finger meant you were.. down to have sex. I refuse to wear one even though times have changed in my town.

Respond to the phrase “Maybe you just haven’t had good sex yet”

My answer is: “Sure, whatever”

Are you monogamous or non-monogamous?

Monogamous

How does your experience of asexuality relate to your gender?

Does it relate?

How did you first discover asexuality?

My friend told me when I was in my very late teens that I might be this obscure sexuality that she’d heard of.

How did you come to realise that you were asexual?

When I was in 5th grade and girls were hitting their first puberty spike, I wasn’t “boy crazy” and I got made fun of cause my BFF was a boy and everyone thought we’d get married (never did, Holmes thought I’d be interested in an oil change he did when I met him years ago). It ate me up inside cause I wasn’t normal, but I got over it.

How often do you have doubts about being asexual?

Not really, maybe when I was little and didn’t have a word for it?

How long have you identified as asexual?

Since I was 18? 18.

Have societal pressures ever made you question your own sexual desires or lack of it?

No cause I don’t really care what people think of me. You get old enough and you’ve been beaten up by life and you stop caring.

Why do you think it’s difficult for some people to grasp the concept of asexuality?

Personally, I think it boils down to that we’re few in number statistically that it’s hard to relate. I can’t speak for other countries, but in the US sex sells, and a good chunk of society is straight or gay or bisexual. For them, sex is a part of them. If they lack it, that’s a huge chunk of who they are. It’s like asexuals trying to understand allosexuals basically.

How did you start to come to terms with your asexuality?

I thought it was neat 🙂

What was the moment where you fully came to terms with your asexuality?

Never really had one. I bounced it off my friend and she was like dude, it makes so much sense. She was right.

Has your understanding of asexuality shifted since you first learned about it?

Not really.

What are things about asexuality you wish people understood better?

You can be married or in a relationship and still be asexual.

Have you come out as asexual? If yes, how did you come out?

I didn’t, it’s not that important and I don’t lead conversations with it. My husband knows, my parents know, my bestie knows, and they all were like cool ?

How did you decide who to tell and who do you tell now when meeting new people?

I’ve only told one person in my classes for VA, and that’s because she and I were talking about that stuff. She herself is a panromantic demisexual, so I picked her brain. That was after I’d known her for… 18 weeks?

How did people react to your coming out?

It wasn’t a big deal, it was like “Cool”

What is dating and finding a romantic partner like?

I’d only had problems as a teenager really. You try telling teenage boys you don’t want to open your legs. I was cheated on several times and assaulted

What are your thoughts on dating apps?

Sounds like a trap for both genders to end up dead due to people lying. Though I can’t judge too harshly cause I met an ex through one that led me to my hubby so.

How has being asexual affected your relationships?

It hasn’t

Have you been romantically involved with people who aren’t asexual?

I’m in a relationship with a heterosexual man and tbh, he’s fine with me the way I am. As he tells me, “I survived 30 years without sex, I won’t die without it and I really don’t want it if it hurts you”

Do you prefer to be romantically involved with fellow asexuals?

Never been.

How do you feel about society over-sexualizing almost everything?

I’d rather they not, but sex sells.

What are your thoughts on having kids? Do you plan to have kids someday?

Hells no!

Do you consider yourself to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community?

Not really.

Do you identify as queer? If not, how do you identify?

I don’t, mostly because well… I’m heteromantic and asexual. Some would argue because I’m both of those things I’ve been oppressed to sit with them.

Are you religious? If so, how does your faith and queerness work together?

I am, I’m a pagan witch but it doesn’t really mesh with my asexuality. I’m a follower of a love goddess but instead of loving others in a sexual sense, I work with her on loving myself cause uh.. yay self depreciation

How do you think your experiences through life may or may not have influenced/shaped your asexuality?

Eh not really. It mostly made me hate men when i was tounger but I’ve met who are actually nice and things change.

How do you feel about how asexuality is perceived in the LGBTQIA+ community?

It’s regarded as the red headed stepchild, if I’m honest.

Have you experienced discrimination in the LGBTQIA+ community?

I don’t broadcast my sexuality for that reason, cause I really don’t want to fight someone over who I am because they think it’s cute to badger/belittle/slander over something that doesn’t concern them.

What bothers you in the LGBTQIA+ community?

That to be included in their community, you have to be oppressed enough. I understand that we didn’t experience being vilified by others, but doing to others what has been done to you doesn’t make it right.

Have you ever been to a pride parade? How did it go?

Never been and unfortunately, it’s much too hot for me to go (plus not safe lbr) and I’m a fragile person.

Do you agree that pride month is necessary?

Its nice to have.

What are your thoughts on labels?

I don’t mind some labels, but when it gets excessive? Like I’m sorry, boo, but I can barely remember my own name, I will try to remember your labels but please don’t kill me for forgetting.

How has having the asexual label benefited you?

No

How do you feel about representation of asexuality in media?

There’s representation?

What’d you like to say to people who question asexuality as a sexual orientation?

It’s fine if you don’t, but please be considerate to others.

What effects does being asexual have on your life?

None really.

How do you deal with people who are curious about your sexuality?

Answer any questions to the best of my knowledge.

How do you deal with aphobia?

Ignore it.

What was the most difficult moment in your life surrounding being asexual?

Telling my then boyfriend now husband that sex is okay but I don’t need it and it’s not because of him at all, I’m just wired differently.

What stereotypes about asexuality do you not relate to?

None really.

What stereotypes about asexuality do you relate to?

I like purple?

What are the most annoying things people have said to you about asexuality?

“Well if you want to have a successful marriage, you’ll have to get over the fact you think sex is disgusting.”

“God wants you to wait to have intimacy with your significant other until after marriage. You’re such a godly girl”

“I can give you a game for you and your husband to try to help loosen you up! It works for me and my husband.”

What are misconceptions about being asexual?

We want love too, just not the sex kind.

What are things to NOT say to an asexual person?

Your haven’t found the right person yet.

Get over it.

Have you seen a therapist?

Do you need libido pills?

Is something wrong?

What questions do you wish people would stop asking you?

People don’t pester me with questions about asexuality. Now if we’re talking about animals lol

What would you like to say to anyone who is asexual or wondering if they’re on the asexual spectrum?

Think about it, take tests if you feel the need or whatever you want to do to see if it fits

How involved would you say you are with the asexual community?

Not very.

What are things you love about being asexual, or being part of the asexual community?

That I can help people who are scared or questioning and offer the advice I didn’t get when I was young.

How often do you meet other asexual people?

I’ve been in college for years and only met 1. I’ve been going for a long time too.

How do you recognise other asexual people irl?

I don’t.

How do you meet and connect with fellow asexuals?

Uhhh… I don’t?

Do you think sexuality , romantic attraction and gender identity are things that people are born with, influenced by upbringing, or both?

It’s a matter of nurture vs nature – it’ll be a consistent, never-ending cycle of where did it come from

How can people be better allies to asexual people?

Don’t blow us off, it just makes us never want to tell you anything ever. And if someone tells you – hey can you keep this to yourself – don’t fucking tell people.

Who are your favorite asexual celebrities or characters?

Uh all I know is that Nikola Tesla was at least demisexual and Holmes created cool stuff.

Give a message to the queer community.

To those who are nice and friendly towards asexuals like myself and others, thank you.

To those of you who block asexuals from entering LGBT spaces because of whatever vendetta you have, go touch some grass.