What does being agender mean to you?
For me being agender means that I just don’t care, I don’t experience any specific feeling surrounding my gender and I just feel like myself. Their are sublables in the agender community including “libra genders” which describes a lack of gender and a connection to a gender. (in my case I’m agender with a connection to being a woman so I identify with “librafem”)
What are your thoughts on the concept of gender?
Gender is complicated, undefinable, and nebulous at best, in my opinion gender is made up of a variety of factors (gender assigned at birth, gender based discrimination, internal sense of gender, what gender you were raised as and how long you lived as that gender, what gender society views you as, etc.
These different facets of “gender” are why I identify as librafem, internally I am agender but I do feel like a woman because that’s how I was raised, that’s how society views me, and my gender assigned at birth (afab) has defined parts of my life in a big way.
Overall I think gender is pretty overrated but I might be biased lol
Have you ever doubted the existence of gender?
Not really I always knew it existed I just figured all cis ppl felt like I do and didn’t think to hard about how trans people knew they were Trans
Do you feel agender? If so, what does that feel like?
“Do you feel agender” is a bit of an awkward question (no criticism) because your asking me about feeling the absence of something I have never felt to begin with. Being agender means that I’m just me, no internal drive to be identified as a member of a larger gender group.
Is there a term you use to describe yourself?
Non-Binary / Agender / Librafem
Do you consider yourself non-binary?
Yes, in my mind Non-Binary is an umbrella term that includes things like agender but I totally respect other people not feeling the same way.
Do you consider yourself transgender?
Nope, while I’m technically under the trams umbrella and Trans issues are my issues in some ways I don’t intend to take hormones or do any surgeries so the lable doesn’t feel quite right for me.
Do you plan on transitioning in any way? Name change, pronouns, surgery etc…
When I come out I do want to change my name and pronouns, getting a binder is also a goal for me but I’m not interested in surgery or HRT
What are your preferred pronouns and how did you decide?
I use all pronouns, I decided that I simply do not care so call my whatever (including neo pronouns). I would like it if people I interact with regularly used a variety of pronouns but that might be a tall order so for people who aren’t super on board with NB stuff I’d probably just tell them to use they/them to make my life easier.
What are your thoughts on dead naming?
Deadnaming on purpose is violence/abuse.
Deadnaming accidentally means you need to correct yourself and make a real effort to be better.
There is no acceptable reason to deadname or misgender someone even if their an asshole.
What is your preferred honorific?
I’d like to go by Mx. If I could in place of Mrs/Ms.
How would you describe your sexual orientation?
Asexual, Demiromantic, lesbian
Did understanding your agender identity change your understanding of your sexuality?
Not really, probably better I still identity with my agab to some extent
Are you monogamous or non-monogamous?
As far as I’m aware I’m monogamous but if I love more than one person and both of them were OK with it I would be willing to explore Polyamory.
What is your gender expression?
I look like a girl but would like to one day look like a badass tomboyish girl
Do you feel dysphoria? What is dysphoria like for you?
The only thing I ever feel disphoria around is my chest, it feels like a deep discomfort and an urge to hide my chest.
How often do you have doubts about your gender identity?
All. The. Time. I 100% think I’m agender but between personal insecurities, lack of substantial gender disphoria, and still having a connection to my agab I often fear that I’m making it up for attention despite being closeted
What are your thoughts on gender nullification surgery?
Hadn’t heard of it before this, I’m personally not interested in it and don’t personally see the appeal but more power to whoever wants that for themselves
How did you first discover agender?
Heard of it in lgbt spaces online, specifically in asexual subreddits where people who were Asexual, Aromantic, and Agender were making “triple A battery” jokes
How did you come to realise that you were agender?
Heard about it, did some reflecting and realized that other people feel a gender and that’s how Trans people know that their Trans, realized that I lacked this internal feeling and started identifying with the lable
How did it change how you lived your life, if it did at all?
I’m still in the closet so I haven’t managed to change anything yet but I plan on wearing binders in the future (safely of course, binder safety is important) other than that and maybe how I dress in the future I don’t think it will change that much
How long have you identified as agender?
A few months now
Have societal pressures ever made you question/suppress your agender identity?
Yes, I’m currently in the closet for a reason.
Why do you think it’s difficult for some people to grasp the concept of agender?
Because it’s nonphysical and we’re taught the gender binary our whole lives. When you stop believing in the gender binary there’s a lot less to hold onto interms of a definitive “this is what gender is”
What are things about agender you wish people understood better?
I know I have a gender (more accurately I have a sex) and I’m not in a phase or delusional, I don’t identify with internal gender I’m just me and thats OK.
What are your thoughts on dating apps?
Completely useless to me as an Asexual / Demiromantic person
What is it like filling legal forms about gender?
I like it when there is a nonbinary or other option but I usually just put in my agab
What is it like using public restrooms?
Normal I guess? My lack of gender lends well to flexibility
Does sexism affect your life in any way?
Yep, as a viasble afab person it will always affect me. I’m only 16 so my experience is limited but I can definitely recognize the role sexism has already played in my life.
What are your thoughts on having kids? Do you plan to have kids someday?
I do want to be a parent one day
If you were to have kids someday, what would you like them to refer you as?
I think it would be fun to be called dad as a visibly afab person. On school paper work I would be put down as “mom” though because of aspects of sexism that men have to deal with in regards to childcare.
What are your thoughts on skoliosexuality (attraction to any gender or nongender that isn’t cisgender)?
Valid
Do you consider yourself to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community?
Yes
Do you identify as queer? If not, how do you identify?
I do identify as queer
Are you religious? If so, how does your faith and queerness work together?
I’m an atheist and always have been
How do you think your experiences through life may or may not have influenced/shaped your agender identity?
Being raised female and treated / oppressed as female is probably the only reason I feel a connection to womanhood or being female
What bothers you in the LGBTQIA+ community?
Gatekeepers as time moves on and awarness increases it gets better but its still a problem
Have you ever been to a pride parade? How did it go?
I haven’t but I hope that one day I have a group of people I would want to go with
Do you agree that pride month is necessary?
100%
What are your thoughts about “ally” being added to the LGBTQIA+ acronym?
Please dear God no. They have an important place in our movement but they are not in the community and should not be in the acronym. I’m an ally to the BLM movement but I’m still very very white and should not claim to be part of their communities.
I’ve seen some people being against the ally flag but I think the flag actually serves a purpose in marking someone as an ally or a safe space so I like it.
What are your thoughts on labels?
Very good tools to understand ourselves and find community but should never be forced on you or decided by someone else
How do you feel about representation of agender in media?
I wish we had more representation then robots and aliens, where people just like everyone else.
What would you like to say to people who question agender as a gender identity?
It’s OK if you don’t understand it, all you need to do is respect us. I also recommend looking at people’s experiences on online forums or these interviews it might help
Do you think that some of the misconceptions come from the idea that gender and sex are the same thing?
Yes, it also come from the false idea that gender OR sex are binary, nonbinary is to gender what intersex is to sex
A kid asks if you are a boy or a girl, respond.
Neither, I’m just me
How do you deal with people who are curious about your agender identity?
Depends what mood I’m in, if I’m tired and don’t want to deal with it I’ll refer them to some good sources of information or tell them to ask me another time because I’m tired.
If I’m in the mood I am down to run a Q&A and explain all of the complex stuff surroundings sex and gender
How do you deal with unfair/mean comments?
Ignore or point and laugh.
But if I’m feeling self destructive or in a bad place mentally I will sometimes purposefully expose myself to hateful posts and comments.
What are things to NOT say to an agender person?
“You can’t not have a gender”
Try me.
What would you like to say to anyone who is agender or wondering if they are?
Your allowed to use any label you want, if you change your mind later that’s OK and doesn’t devalue the time you identified with that label. You are (enter label) enough to call yourself that if you want
How involved would you say you are with the agender community?
I usually just lurk and comment here or there, sometimes I post but not too often
What are things you love about being agender, or being part of the agender community?
Everyone’s pretty nice and chill 🙂 it’s also nice to know I’m not the only one, these communities definitely save lives and improve mental health
What are things that most agender people can relate to?
What is a gender and why is everyone in on it but me?
How often do you meet other agender people?
Never met another one that I know of
Do you think sexuality, romantic attraction and gender identity are things that people are born with, influenced by upbringing, or both?
I think both, I’ve mentioned previously how my upbringing influenced me to identify as librafem. I think it largely depends of the identity / topic
What’s it like being queer in your country/society?
It’s pretty good here and all my teachers have a small pride flag on their classroom doors, but I’m also a complete loner so take that as you will
How have you been subjected to queerphobia?
Not yet
What would you like to say to queerphobic people?
Educate yourself
What are your thoughts on queer-baiting?
Queer baiting is bad but real people can’t queerbait
Give a message to the queer community
I love you all <3