What does being asexual mean to you?
My sexual identity
How do you identify within the spectrum?
Romantic grey, specifically orchidsexual
What is your romantic orientation?
Sapphic/pan
Do you like being commonly called “ace”?
Yes
Do you experience sexual attraction?
Very rarely
What is intimacy to you?
Emotional closeness, a close bond
What’s your outlook on love and sex?
Love idependently of, and not dependent on, sex
Do you experience sexual arousal/ masturbate?
Yes
How do you feel about people being sexually attracted to you?
Unbothered generally
What are your thoughts on the “A” in LGBTQIA+ often standing for “ally” instead of “asexual”?
I believe it’s intended to be asexual
Do you have an ace ring? What does an ace ring mean to you?
I have a couple, rarely wear due to personal comfort regarding wearing rings. I think it’s a nice thing to have though.
Respond to the phrase “Maybe you just haven’t had good sex yet”
I’ve never had this comment directed at me. I’m lucky in that I’ve never had someone say something so invalidating to me, and I feel for those who’ve had someone say this to them.
Are you monogamous or non-monogamous?
Monogamous
How does your experience of asexuality relate to your gender?
I don’t believe it does
How did you first discover asexuality?
Online
How did you come to realise that you were asexual?
Reading about it, and then realising it fit
How often do you have doubts about being asexual?
I had questions about it and what it means when I was learning it was even a thing, but that was like a decade ago, so no, I don’t doubt it
How long have you identified as asexual?
11 or 12 years
Have societal pressures ever made you question your own sexual desires or lack of it?
No. My parents are accepting, and if anyone else makes insensitive comments, it makes me think how little their minds must be or what they must be going through in order to think it’s okay to judge someone whom they have no say in their lives. It does not make me doubt myself, just them
Why do you think it’s difficult for some people to grasp the concept of asexuality?
Ignorance, mental illness, culture/societal pressure… anything that can cause people to be willfuly blind or hateful
How did you start to come to terms with your asexuality?
I didn’t “come to terms” with it. I read, I learned, I researched questions I had, I looked deep into myself and it “clicked”. Asexuality is nothing to mourn or learn to cope with. It just is.
What was the moment where you fully came to terms with your asexuality?
Is this a thing? There’s a lot of questions like this. Do others not like putting a name to a feeling they’ve had but never been able to express fully? Do others not like self discovery? Does it not feel good to learn about yourself, or how to better define your feelings? Does it not give you a sense of closure, of relief? Discovering asexuality was a positive, exciting thing. I did not have to “come to terms with it”; I embraced it. It felt good to know it was a thing, and that it made sense for me
Has your understanding of asexuality shifted since you first learned about it?
I’ve learned more of the microlabels, and as a result have been able to better define my identity
What are things about asexuality you wish people understood better?
That it’s nothing to be afraid of
Have you come out as asexual? If yes, how did you come out?
Yes. I came out to one of my sisters first, then later my parents. My parents are open-minded democrats. We talked.
How did you decide who to tell and who do you tell now when meeting new people?
I told the people closest to me first. Trust is important. I am still not fully out to all my friends, as quite a few of them are more closed-minded republicans, but I’ve known them for years even so. I’ll tell them when/if it becomes relevant. I don’t have a desire to be open to strangers or to anyone who’d cause me stress. I’m not about causing myself undue mental grief.
How did people react to your coming out?
My sister was like “duh”. My parents were confuddled at first, they didn’t know it was a thing either, but were receptive to learning and hearing me out
What’s something you wish you had known about asexuality before coming out ?
Is this inferring something negative? Because, I am not sure?
What’s the hardest part about coming out?
My occassional boughts of anxiety? Is this also inferring something negative about coming out?
What is dating and finding a romantic partner like?
*hopefully optimistic*
What are your thoughts on dating apps?
Depends on the app
How has being asexual affected your relationships?
In what way? My family’s still my family, and my friends are still the lovely bunch of assholes I’ve known most of my life. I’m the liberal hufflepuff of the group.
Have you been romantically involved with people who aren’t asexual?
Do crushes count? Otherwise, no
Do you prefer to be romantically involved with fellow asexuals?
Yes
How do you feel about society over-sexualizing almost everything?
It is unnecessary
What are your thoughts on having kids? Do you plan to have kids someday?
Not even on my radar; I like being the fun aunt
Do you consider yourself to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community?
Yes
Do you identify as queer? If not, how do you identify?
I like queer, but I’ve not used it. I usually say ace or bi/pan for people who I think the concept of asexuality would be out of their depth
Are you religious? If so, how does your faith and queerness work together?
Nope, atheist
How do you think your experiences through life may or may not have influenced/shaped your asexuality?
I don’t think they have?
How do you feel about how asexuality is perceived in the LGBTQIA+ community?
I am not sure of the general perception, but I can’t imagine that it’s bad
Have you experienced discrimination in the LGBTQIA+ community?
No…?
What bothers you in the LGBTQIA+ community?
Apparently these questions are also inferring something bad…
Have you ever been to a pride parade? How did it go?
I’ve not been, curious to try though
Do you agree that pride month is necessary?
Yes
What are your thoughts on labels?
More the merrier! If microlabels help someone to feel more included or give someone a better understanding of themself, then those are only good things that should be encouraged
How has having the asexual label benefited you?
Helped me to understand myself
How do you feel about representation of asexuality in media?
It’s variable
What’d you like to say to people who question asexuality as a sexual orientation?
Research! And introspection!
What effects does being asexual have on your life?
Positives
How do you deal with people who are curious about your sexuality?
Give them links
How do you deal with aphobia?
Online? Links. Irl, I’ve not been subject to it
What was the most difficult moment in your life surrounding being asexual?
Figuring out how it made sense to me
What stereotypes about asexuality do you not relate to?
All aces are neurodivergent, and all aces are also aromantic
What stereotypes about asexuality do you relate to?
Cake
What are the most annoying things people have said to you about asexuality?
I currently can’t think of any that’ve been super annoying or bothersome
What are misconceptions about being asexual?
We’re romanceless robots
What are things to NOT say to an asexual person?
Anything that invalidates them
What questions do you wish people would stop asking you?
I currently can’t think of any
What would you like to say to anyone who is asexual or wondering if they’re on the asexual spectrum?
Resesrch! Introspection! Asexuality is good!
How involved would you say you are with the asexual community?
Very little
What are things you love about being asexual, or being part of the asexual community?
Understanding myself and others
What are things that most asexual people can relate to?
Cake
How often do you meet other asexual people?
Very very rarely irl
How do you recognise other asexual people irl?
We don’t look a certain way? Asking is a good idea
How do you meet and connect with fellow asexuals?
Online typically
Do you think sexuality , romantic attraction and gender identity are things that people are born with, influenced by upbringing, or both?
Born with
What’s it like being queer in your country/society?
USA, so
How have you been subjected to queerphobia?
Do you mean like in the media or online? Cause it can be anywhere
What would you like to say to queerphobic people?
Wow, that’d take too long to type… but in general, if someone is not open to change or accepting anyone they deem “other” a few words by a stranger on the interwebs isn’t gonna change anything
What would you like people to know about asexuality?
Is good
How can people be better allies to asexual people?
Be good
What are your favorite asexual quotes?
I like my partners like I like my coffee, hot and not in my pants
What are some of your favorite pieces of media with authentic representation everyone should watch?
The Outerworlds, video game
Who are your favorite asexual celebrities or characters?
Parvati
What are your thoughts on queer-baiting?
Does it matter?
Give a message to the queer community
Hi! *waves*