What does having dermatillomania entail?

Compulsively tearing your skin off (this is just off the top of my head)

Do you have other related conditions?

sensory processing disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, misophonia, possibly depression

Do you know what may have caused it?

Nope. I suspect it might be related to my SPD; whenever I touch my scabs (or dead skin or whatever) it feels terrible and gross (like having a loose piece of tape stuck to your skin) and I start really wanting to tear the offending item off.

When did you first start picking?

I’ve been doing it for as long as I can remember.

When were you diagnosed with dermatillomania?

I have no idea. I’m not even sure if I’m diagnosed or not (but it’s pretty dang obvious that I have it).

How did you feel knowing that there was a word for what you had? How did your diagnosis help?

I learned the word when I googled something about it. It felt nice to know that there were other people dealing with the same thing. I don’t know if it helped aside from that.

What symptoms do you experience? What areas do you usually pick?

Tearing my skin off without being able to stop for more than a few seconds (usually with my fingernails), “automatic” picking, and having other disorders. The skin around the base of my fingernails, an old wound on the upper back of my left thigh, my lips, sometimes the acne on my back and shoulders, and occasionally my scalp.

How often do you pick?

Usually at least 3 times per day, more if I’m just sitting around for a while

What are your triggers?

Feeling my scabs and not having anything to do with my hands.

How would you describe how you feel when you pick at your skin?

It feels sort of like peeling off duct tape that’s half-embedded in your skin. It’s pretty painful and it gets blood everywhere, but it gets the dry stuff off.

Have you ever been caught picking?

Yes. A lot.

How does dermatillomania affect your day-to-day life?

It makes some parts of my body red and raw often. I have to keep band-aids over some of my wounds so I don’t tear them open. Sometimes after I’ve just picked at my fingertips, I can’t do certain things with my fingers because they’re too raw and it hurts to touch them with anything. I bleed a lot, sometimes in public, and I go through a lot of tissues and toilet paper and water trying to stop the blood. Sometimes I get blood on my clothes or sheets or towels or whatever if I don’t notice that I’m bleeding.

Are there any potentially dangerous aspects to having dermatillomania? Have you experienced any?

Just off the top of my head? Wounds can never close and they may get infected or something like that. Blood loss might be an issue. I haven’t experienced any that I can think of.

Can you recall any big moments in your life that was shaped by having dermatillomania?

Not really.

Do you tell people you have dermatillomania or is that something that you hope would remain more of a secret?

Well . . . I’m not gonna introduce myself with “Hi, I’m [name] and I have dermatillomania,” but I’ll tell you if you ask. It’s not some big secret or anything.

Have you developed mechanisms to manage it?

I wish.

Have you had any treatment to help? How effective are they?

I’ve tried a few things and none of them have been effective long-term. I started antidepressants recently and I’m hoping they’ll be more helpful.

Have you experienced any sort of stigma for having dermatillomania? Did that take a toll on you? How did/do you deal with it?

Not that I can think of. N/A. N/A.

What is your general outlook on your condition?

I’m not in a life-threatening position or anything, but I don’t think I’m going to get better anytime soon.

Have you lost opportunities due to having dermatillomania?

Like job opportunities or what? I’m not sure what you mean by that.

Does dermatillomania have an affect on what you wear or things you do? Is there anything that having dermatillomania has prevented you from doing that you really wish you could do?

Yeah. I wish I could, you know, not have my skin be raw and painful all the time and not go through band-aids like a paper shredder.

How did/does dermatillomania affect your education?

I don’t know.

How does dermatillomania affect your career?

No

How does dermatillomania affect your love life?

No

How does dermatillomania affect other aspects of your life?

I don’t know and I don’t feel like thinking about it right now

What did your parents do right and wrong, in raising a child with dermatillomania?

They did well trying to get me to stop and curbing the growth of my wounds with bandages, fidgets, etc. I can’t think of anything they do wrong.

What are misconceptions about dermatillomania?

I can’t think of any. I don’t think dermatillomania is a very talked-about disorder.

What do you find is the biggest challenge of living with dermatillomania?

Bleeding a lot. Having my [insert body part here] be raw and stinging a lot. Having to resist the urge to pick in public. The risk of infection.

What are your fears that stem from having dermatillomania?

That I might get a wound infected.

What are things to NOT say or do to people who have dermatillomania?

“It’s just a habit.” No it’s not. You don’t live inside my brain–don’t try to tell me that I can just stop whenever. Also, this might just be a me thing, but don’t yank my hand away when I’m picking (or just in general). I hate being touched unexpectedly.

How do you feel about how dermatillomania is portrayed in media? What are some of your favorite pieces of media with authentic representation?

If I have ever seen, read, etc media with dermatillomania representation, it must’ve been pretty mediocre because I don’t remember it.

What would you like to say to people who have dermatillomania?

Nothing. I’d like to give ’em a hug.

What would you like to say to parents of people who have dermatillomania?

It depends on the parents. For good ones: pat ’em on the pack and tell ’em they’re doing a good job.

How do you wish our society would perceive and treat people with dermatillomania?

I’m not sure. I think how things are now is fine, but a little more representation might be nice.

What would you like people to know about dermatillomania?

That it’s a disorder, just like a lot of others. And that you don’t need to tell me when something I’m picking at is bleeding. (I already know, and if I don’t, I’ll figure it out soon enough.)