Do you have other related conditions?
yes, i also have OCD.
Do you know what may have caused it?
i assume its mostly due to my OCD.
When did you first start picking?
when i was 13, so 8 years ago
When were you diagnosed with dermatillomania?
when i was diagnosed with OCD
How did you feel knowing that there was a word for what you had? How did your diagnosis help?
helped me find a community on reddit of likeminded people with the same/similar struggles, easier to find specific research/tips to better understand my illness and learn how to cope with it, validated what i felt and was going through – therefore causing less feelings of shame, loneliness, guilt,etc.
What symptoms do you experience? What areas do you usually pick?
its hard to describe what causes me to pick because its not really a coping mechanism for stress like it is for many people, its more related to my “perfectionist” thinking due to having OCD, every bump or blemish or irregularity needs to be fixed or flattened out or disappear by ANY means possible and i will go through blood,sweat,tears,pain,HOURS until i get it right. i pick at my face, arms and chest
How often do you pick?
everyday usually one long session or sometimes multiple sessions
What are your triggers?
being alone in my room, having free time, running my fingers across my skin and feeling the bumps, longer fingernails-easier to pick, this is a strange trigger that ive noticed but when im freshly showered or have just eaten a meal i feel more inclined to pick right after,
How would you describe how you feel when you pick at your skin?
i feel like im in a trance but theres no way of getting out until i “get it right”/fix whatever blemish bothers me. when i finally do get rid of the blemish it feels extremely satisfying, addicting.
Have you ever been caught picking?
many times, am always embarrassed especially when its someone i dont know too well but the worst is when my mom catches me because she knows about my condition and i always promise to her that ill stop but i ofc never keep that promise and i feel very disappointed with myself.
How does dermatillomania affect your day-to-day life?
wasting valuable time sitting in my room alone and inspecting every miniscule blemish on my skin and trying to “fix” it by picking, avoiding things like swimming, wearing short sleeves, hanging out with new people(or even family and friends) due to shame surrounding scars, fresh wounds and scabs, potentially risking infections like MRSA due to constant open wounds, trying to stop but failing multiple times and feeling disappointed, angry, frustrated with yourself, etc.
Are there any potentially dangerous aspects to having dermatillomania? Have you experienced any?
definitely, most ive heard were skin infections that later spread into blood or lymph nodes like MRSA or sepsis. i myself thankfully have never had a serious infections but when any of my spots become slightly inflamed i (as a hypochondriac) always panic
Do you tell people you have dermatillomania or is that something that you hope would remain more of a secret?
its kinda hard to hide because i have wounds on my forearms, shoulders and face. but most people chalk it up to it being bad acne. even doctors want to put me on accutane bc they assume its severe acne but they dont know that if i didnt pick my skin would be fine (not clear, i still have acne prone, oily skin, but it would be fine). imjust scared to tell them because they might not understand so i just ignore it.
Have you developed mechanisms to manage it?
yes ive been working in therapy to come up with things i can do when i feel triggered. whenever i feel triggered i immediately shift my attention to either: 1.something less damaging (e.g. fidget toys, watching OTHER people safely extract acne on youtube which still gives me that satisfying feeling without having to pick at my skin) or 2.something productive (e.g. going on a bike ride and outting on my favorite podcast, coloring book for adults, playing relaxing video games like minecraft, cleaning small things around the house that give me that satisfying feeling but are actually useful and not damaging – like cleaning a dirty old remote control)
Have you had any treatment to help? How effective are they?
not anything medical, only brought it up in therapy but mostly dealing with it on my own
Have you experienced any sort of stigma for having dermatillomania? Did that take a toll on you? How did/do you deal with it?
when people point out my “acne” either in a neutral way or negative way (which are in reality just my dermatillomania wounds) it makes me feel very insecure, i havent dealt with it so it still takes a toll on me. also when i recently saw on tiktok a teenager from a “vlogging” family who had very very very severe acne but still went swimming and/or wore a tanktop outside (as he should) all the comments were disgusting comments about his skin which felt insulting to me too.
Have you lost opportunities due to having dermatillomania?
definitely, avoiding any public spaces/hangouts due to having visible and/or open wounds due to 1. being insecure 2. fear of getting the open wounds infected
Does dermatillomania have an affect on what you wear or things you do? Is there anything that having dermatillomania has prevented you from doing that you really wish you could do?
i really wish i could wear tanktops and short sleeves or just be shirtless in general
How does dermatillomania affect your career?
ive never had a job but will be getting one this fall so we will see
How does dermatillomania affect your love life?
dont have one, thats how it affects it (jk) but it impairs my self esteem leading to anxiety therefore further isolating myself and not finding any potential partners
What do you find is the biggest challenge of living with dermatillomania?
the constant thoughts about imperfections on my skin and just in general my OCD which affects my entire brain and patterns of thinking about things, everything is so extreme-either one or the other, black or white, good or bad, theres no balance in my life
What are your fears that stem from having dermatillomania?
getting a serious infection like MRSA and sepsis and having limbs amputated, that no one will ever love me due to my skin, that ill never be able to recover/stop picking and ill be stuck like this forever
What are things to NOT say or do to people who have dermatillomania?
“just stop it” “ew what is that on your face/arms” “you need to go on accutane” *insert comparisons to a pepperoni pizza/skinwalkers/zombies/corpses/etc.* “wow thats really bad, like really bad.” *interrups my picking session and tries to convince me to stop* *forces my hand away when im picking at myself* (in these times the person whos picking often feels very tense and anxious already and forcing any “help” (UNLESS PREVIOUSLY AGREED UPON) can be incredibly frustrating, best is to just let it pass, let them do their own thing.
How do you feel about how dermatillomania is portrayed in media? What are some of your favorite pieces of media with authentic representation?
havent had any.
What would you like to say to people who have dermatillomania?
i see you, i hear you, i feel you, i am you. you can do this you can recover, it may take many many tries but recovery isnt linear. sending love <3
How do you wish our society would perceive and treat people with dermatillomania?
with compassion, open mind, non judgement
What would you like people to know about dermatillomania?
it can almost be like an addiction, so think of someone getting sober and how hard that is, for me that recovery is very similar to those struggling with any other addiction.