What does being abrosexual mean to you?

Abrosexuality is when your sexual orientation changes, either often or only occasionally. If you’ve ever experienced a type of sexual attraction (e.g, attraction to women or non binary people) that you haven’t felt before, or stopped experiencing a type of attraction, then your sexual orientation flowed. you’re abrosexual.

What is your romantic orientation?

i haven’t thought a lot about this. Probably also fluid! i usually experience them together.

What is your sexuality right now?

Androsexual

What sexualities are you fluid to/from?

Bisexual, demisexual, and androsexual so far.

How often does your sexuality change?

this is hard to answer. sometimes it seems day-to-day but generally, i feel like it’s in slower sections. for many years i was attracted to men, then for a couple years i was bisexual; recently i felt that i was both biromantic and demisexual, and today i am attracted mostly to men, but i know it probably won’t stay that way

How do you pronounce “abrosexual”?

i say it “aaa broh,” the A making the same sound as in Alice.

Do you identify with a sexual orientation more often than others? Or prefer being a certain sexuality over others?

i prefer when i’m attracted to women but i experience attraction to men most

How important is gender identity in your attraction to other people?

it can feel weird when i’m “straight” for a period of time because i no longer feel super queer, even tho the fact that i’m not always straight means i am queer.

Does attraction to your partners also change as your sexuality changes?

i haven’t had enough experience with partners yet to know about this personally.

Are you monogamous or non-monogamous?

monogamous.

How does your experience of abrosexuality relate to your gender?

sometimes if i am attracted to the opposite gender as myself, i feel like i don’t “count” as being queer, or i experience imposter syndrome. even though i know this is part of my queer experience, it’s weird to feel straight sometimes.

How did you first discover abrosexuality?

A podcast! the Nov 30, 2021 episode of Questions From the Closet, called “Is sexuality fluid?” spoiler alert, sexuality *is* fluid ?

How did you come to realise that you were abrosexual?

i resonated with the information explained in the podcast i listened to about it.

also, at first i thought i was bisexual and had been deeply in the closet about it. but as i pondered my identity, i realized i hadn’t always been bisexual, which made me feel like i was just faking it and my experience wasn’t real.

learning that it was possible for my attraction to change was very validating.

How often do you doubt your sexuality?

a lot when i first came out to myself, but less and less as time goes on and i try to accept myself.

How long have you identified as abrosexual?

several months.

Have societal pressures ever made you question/suppress your sexuality?

i definitely had gay thoughts and feelings but would not allow myself to label them as such for a long time.

Why do you think it’s difficult for some people to grasp the concept of abrosexuality?

they think it’s just preference. or might say “doesn’t everyone change their mind sometimes?” or think it’s just liking a girl for a few weeks, then losing interest in *her* instead of losing the ability to feel attracted to her. they might say sometimes a crush just goes away. but that’s very different from attraction to a gender coming and going.

How do you feel about people assuming abrosexuals are innately promiscuous?

i didn’t know they assumed that! well, if someone wants to be promiscuous, they can do it whether or not they’re queer. there are a lot of cishet white men who are good examples of this. i would say, nobody is born being innately moral or immoral. you can’t be inherently promiscuous, it’s a learned thing.

Why do you think so many people have such harsh judgements against people who identify as abrosexual?

homophobia, and not understanding. maybe taking it too personally or as an attack when it’s just a person existing.

How did you start to come to terms with your sexuality?

a lot of online reading and groups!

What was the moment where you fully came to terms with your sexuality?

it was less of one moment and more of many months of thinking and playing with different labels. in the end, i don’t even use my preferred label much because it confuses people. it’s easier to say i’m queer or bisexual even though that’s not entirely accurate

Has your understanding of abrosexuality shifted since you first learned about it?

i’m still learning, i don’t know if i’ll ever fully understand it!

What are things about abrosexuality you wish people understood better?

it’s not something i can control.

it isn’t a phase of trying out different queer relationships, it’s just my attraction changing who i’m interested in.

if you have loved ones who are abrosexual the best thing you can do is learn more about it, and queerness in general, and believe them when they tell you their experiences.

Have you come out as abrosexual? If yes, how did you come out?

i explained how i felt and what label i preferred to a few close friends. to my parents, i just told them i like girls and guys but it isn’t always like that, sometimes it changes.

How did you decide who to tell and who do you tell now when meeting new people?

it was easy to tell my friends because they’re very accepting. but when meeting new people and i want to give them the five second version, i either say i’m bi or fluid.

How did people react to your coming out?

my friends were very supportive! my parents were surprised and asked me if i was sure, and then also were supportive. it wasn’t a huge deal, but we did have a discussion about it.

What’s something you wish you had known about abrosexuality before coming out ?

there isn’t anything wrong with it being out of your control. you don’t have to stress about it, just trust yourself and allow your attraction to come and go.

What’s the hardest part about coming out?

worrying that the people i came out to will tell others without my permission.

How has being abrosexual affected your relationships?

it mostly confused me before i had words for it. i thought i was bad at having crushes.

What’s dating and finding a romantic partner like?

a little complicated! i recently pursued someone i was interested in romantically, but now i no longer experience attraction to their gender, so we’ve become friends. i haven’t talked to them about it so i don’t know how they feel though.

What are your thoughts on dating apps?

very nice when you know what you want. i like being able to filter by gender and tune in to myself for what gender i want to flirt with that day.

it’s also great for going on first dates and getting to know how i feel with different people of all genders.

What are your thoughts on having kids? Do you plan to have kids someday?

i would love kids! but i would want to figure out a stable life first. i think adoption would be wonderful too, since so many kids need a good home. especially older kids who don’t get adopted as easily.

Are you religious? If so, how does your faith and queerness work together?

i’m baptized as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. however, i don’t know if i want to stay in it. i’m currently taking a break from it, as the culture can be anti-lgbtq.

i know some queer people who are able to make it work for them and find religion works well with their queerness. for me personally, my priority is being a safe space for queer people while at church. i think lgbtq topics should be less taboo there.

i especially disagree with how trans people are viewed within that religion and i am hoping that it’ll change. but if not, i’d rather stand with my community than my religion.

How do you think your experiences through life may or may not have influenced/shaped your sexuality?

i’m not sure i would be out to myself yet if not for some close friends coming out and sharing their experiences with me. that gave me permission to look inward and ask myself if i could be queer. i definitely had to overcome a lot of internalized homophobia from my religion.

What effects does being abrosexual have on your life?

it confuses me sometimes! sometimes i just lose interest in a specific person and have to distinguish whether i don’t like them, or if i no longer am attracted to anyone of that gender. but this is something i choose to love about myself even when it’s odd.

Do you consider yourself to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community?

yes, one of the many identities that the A stands for 🙂

Do you identify as queer? If not, how do you identify?

i do. i identify as both queer and fluid, and queer is an easy way to say my sexuality isn’t super simple.

How do you feel about how abrosexuality is perceived in the LGBTQIA+ community?

i don’t know how other LGBTQ people feel about it, but i would love to learn more of how they feel. offhand i bet most lgbtq people would be very accepting since that’s an important part of our community.

Have you experienced discrimination in the LGBTQIA+ community?

i personally have not.

What bothers you in the LGBTQIA+ community?

that some people think the word “bisexual” is transphobic, because the root word bi means two. this view comes from a misunderstanding of what bisexuality is (an attraction to more than one gender, which could mean anyone trans or cis).

Have you ever been to a pride parade? How did it go?

still not yet!

Do you agree that pride month is necessary?

incredibly so. Thank heavens for Brenda Howard, the mother of pride.

What are your thoughts about “ally” being added to the LGBTQIA+ acronym?

it isn’t part of the acronym. if you are cishet and want to be included in the acronym for social points or to feel like you’re in a cool club, you’re not an ally. real allies let queer people speak and use their privilege to give them more freedom and ability to represent themselves.

What are your thoughts on labels?

they’re helpful until they’re not. if a label helps you understand yourself, it’s very empowering. but if it feels weird, not quite right, or just unnecessary to you, you don’t have to use a label. labels don’t change who you are. with or without, your experience is real and valid.

How has having the abrosexual label benefited you?

it feels weird to me and doesn’t fit, so i prefer to use the label “fluid.”

How do you feel about representation of abrosexuality in media?

i have never seen it. i would love to see it though!

What’d you like to say to people who question abrosexuality as a sexual orientation?

please educate yourself.

How do you deal with people who are curious about your sexuality?

depends on the person. i don’t have to explain myself to anyone. if i’m close with them or in a good mood i will do my best to explain. but if i don’t like them or don’t care to explain, i will let them know it’s not their business. or tell them they should read about it. it’s not my responsibility to help them understand, but sometimes i like to help.

How do you deal with unfair/mean comments about your sexuality?

i really don’t know what to do.

What was the most difficult moment in your life surrounding being abrosexual?

as a baby gay/baby abro, i haven’t had a lot of time for experiences related to that yet. but i have felt guilty for losing interest in people, and thinking i owed them attraction since i had at one point told them i liked them.

What stereotypes about abrosexuals do you not relate to?

i don’t know of any.

What stereotypes about abrosexuals do you relate to?

i haven’t really heard of any stereotypes

What are the most annoying things people have said to you about abrosexuality?

thankfully nobody has said anything, probably because i’m only out to my close friends.

What are misconceptions about abrosexuality?

thinking it’s just being indecisive, fickle, or picky.

What are things to NOT say to an abrosexual person?

“it’s just a phase,” “that isn’t queer,” “can’t you just stay attracted to [a specific gender or person]?”

What questions do you wish people would stop asking you?

again, only my good friends know, so they’re very sensitive and supportive and haven’t bothered me in any way abt it

What would you like to say to anyone who is abrosexual or wondering if they are ?

if you’re wondering: has your sexual attraction ever changed? or have you started to have attraction to additional genders, or less genders than before? do you sometimes experience no sexual attraction at all? then you’re abrosexual or sexually fluid.

for those who know themselves: check out r/abrosexual for a lil community, and join the watermelon gang! you’re valid and i love you.

How involved would you say you are with the abrosexual community?

i’m medium involved with the subreddit 🙂

What are things you love about being abrosexual, or being part of the abrosexual community?

the cute watermelon flag! and the warm acceptance from everyone

What are things that most abrosexual people can relate to?

wondering if they’re really abrosexual or not. experiencing a change in attraction and not knowing how to handle it

How often do you meet other abrosexuals?

i’ve never met anyone else who’s abro in real life. online i’ve met a few people.

How do you recognise other abrosexual people irl?

i wish we had a signal or fashion choice that could distinguish us! i know asexual people have a black ring on their middle finger, bisexual people like cuffing their jeans or wearing leather jackets, and you can often spot a butch lesbian from her haircut or more masculine clothes. but i have no clue how to spot an abrosexual person.

How do you meet and connect with fellow abrosexuals?

reddit mostly, i would love to know if any other places to connect as well

Do you think sexuality , romantic attraction and gender identity are things that people are born with, influenced by upbringing, or both?

definitely both. in general i’d say we were born this way. but i know some people have their sexual attraction change because of trauma. i think we’re born this way but our life can also influence it.

What’s it like being queer in your country/society?

in the part of the country i live in, there are a lot of accepting people who make it easy to be myself. however i know if i moved to a different location then i would have to hide my identity unless i wanted to be treated poorly.

How have you been subjected to queerphobia?

yes.

What would you like to say to queerphobic people?

if your loved one was gay, would you want them to be without medical care, unsafe when walking through a town or city, accused of crimes he didn’t commit, and targeted for violence and rape? of course you wouldn’t desire that for someone you care about. Queer people just want you to help make and uphold laws that protect their freedoms. You can disagree with us as long as you’re going to protect and vote for our right to safety and freedom. of course, we would love it if you also stopped being queerphobic.

you don’t need to be scared of queer people. we love who we love, and we’re not really interested in hurting people. if you feel threatened by our existence then please take a step back and ask yourself why. and living as our gender identity doesn’t affect you at all, so we would appreciate if you left us alone about that.

What would you like people to know about abrosexuality?

it’s just part of life for some of us and we’d just love support and acceptance.

How can people be better allies to abrosexual people?

believe us when we share our experience. don’t assume the worst or try to find flaws. and vote for laws that protect the rights of gay relationships or similar issues that we often are affected by.

What are your favorite abrosexual quotes?

change is the only constant.

What are some of your favorite pieces of media with authentic representation everyone should watch?

i wish i knew of any!

Who are your favorite abrosexual celebrities or characters?

i don’t know

What are your thoughts on queer-baiting?

it’s often misunderstood and used as a weapon to force people out of the closet against their will.

queerbaiting is when an author writes a story of two women falling in love and at the end, says they’re both straight and they’re just good friends. it baits you in and doesn’t fulfill on its promises. that’s one example. but an actor playing a queer character, even if they seem allocishet, is not queerbaiting. there definitely should be more queer actors on the big screen, but playing a queer character doesn’t mean the internet can force you to come out. that’s not okay.

Give a message to the queer community

Don’t be afraid of uncomfortable conversations, this is part of good change.

Tell your story, opinions, experiences.

i don’t have much left to say!